So, what's Peter going to do now that he's graduated?
 |
| Unless you have platform shoes |
I'm gonna assume he doesn't take the comic's advice.
Well, yes.
He makes a new outfit because he's' gaining weight. unfortunately, he doesn't clue in and make a spare suit, so he doesn't repeat the chaos from last time. Wait, what am I saying? If they can't repeat Spider-Man plots, there'd hardly be any comics.
Here's Concrete again. And his friend, the Invisible Man. Why feature a Monster Mash and tell a lame Scoripon story instead?
While Peter contemplates short term money decisions instead of long-term (taking after his aunt apparently), the Scorpion escapes from jail. No explanation, just some guy in pajamas leaping out of a jail cell calling himself The Scorpion. (I know he showed up before, but you don't explain things until five pages into the villain rambling to catch people up.)
How long ddoes it take to respond to an anlarm in the Marvelverse?
Then again, this is a jail where they think giving a supervillain his costume will turn out to be a good thing.
Meanwhile (again), Jameson points out Foswell has no idea what an interesting article is.
But we have other stuff to do. We have to bring in Ned for his one and only arc of being cheated on by his wife with a teenager. Sure, there was a cartoon that involved him where he... existed. And Miles's buddy Ganke stole his name twice.
I don't hate you, Ned. I hate everything around you that wants to treat you like crap.
Here are two of them
Back to something that at least tries to be interesting, a police officer comes by the warn Jameson the Scorpion has escaped and has threatened Jameson since, well, ever, according to police.
Is Peter the Devil? Nah, I'm pretty sure Beelzebub has much more slass and picks on people who can fight back
Peter has the gall, knowing Ned and Betty are dating, to ask Betty out to dinner. Really, Peter, I thought Aunt May raised you better than that.
Is she playing hard to get? Is she serious just for now? I don't care. Either way, it just leads to being shitty to Ned for no reason.
 |
| Is Concrete an expert in superheroes? |
Anyway, Spider-Man is trying to draw out the Scorpion to fight him. This would be a great strategy except Peter forgot one important thing: not everything is about him.
Yep, that's Jameson's plan. How does he know The Scorpion will read the newspaper? Especially THAT newspaper in particular? In fact who IS reading it? The front page is nothing but the crazed egotistical ramblings of the producer. the only people who like that are Star Wars sequels fans and those haven't been invented yet. And ho did they print it so fast? Or has Spidey been running around the city for a day? Why am I putting more thought into this than the creators?
 |
| Because that's how Scorpions work |
 |
| Remember, he's a genius |
At this point, I'm not sure I want to be rescued by Spider-Man. I'm not agreeing with Jameson, but I think I'd like someone speedier and who can clue in on what's going on within an hour.
 |
| Is there more than one Concrete? |
Also, this happens.
And then Spider-Man barges through an open window. What would he do if it wasn't perpetually August and no one has a mechanical air conditioning around?
I'd say they fight, but it's more of a wrestling match. They'd inflict more damage on each other if they had pillows. All they do is break furniture and betty shows up to be scared of it because the plot now says she can't use doors.
 |
| Spidey has a point. Where DID he come from? The bathroom? |
Not only does Spider-Man say Ned is horning in on HIS girl, but he blames The Scorpion for giving Ned the opportunity to do it. I told you the lesson of 'Not everything is about you' wouldn't stick.
 |
| Maybe YOU should look out. You're still int he middle of a fight between super-powered people. |
 |
| I think Jameson is trying to dance his way out of the comic |
And it goes on. And on. I actually started wondering if I skipped a page and the fight was still going.
Finally, something happens. The police show up. They don't do anything, but they show up. this prompts The Scorpion to bail, as he doesn't want to go back to jail. Spider-Man says he'll gladly hurt him so much he wished he just went to jail. How friendly. Imagine having someone like that in your neighborhood.
Jameson's finally having fun, though. He yells at the two with bravado, gets to pretend he's upset everything is broken when he'll just toss the broken stuff fand insurance will pay to fix and replace it, and the police have vanished.
 |
| Who is he talking to? |
Told you.
Jameson decides since the police have vanished, he should get REAL photographers to take pictures of how heroic he was for... not dying I guess.
Also, Ned takes Betty home, since she's no longer part of the story.
Oh, and Sp-der-Man and the Scorpion are still fighting. Is it an interesting fight? No. Does it advance the characters in any way? No. Anything at all happens it that's new? Spider-Man makes some bolas to finally subdue The Scorpion--a trick he'll never even think of using again.
 |
| And this is why |
They both fall and instead of doing the easy thing of catching The Scorpion with webbing and leaving him dangling until the police show up, Spider-Man tosses them both out into the water next to the docks. Either The Daily Bugle is located in the harbor, or that was a lot of effort to go to.
 |
| Hey! It's meteorITES that land on earth. Get it right. |
Spider-Man plans for the Scorpion to drown. I am not kidding.
 |
| I wasn't |
But no, he doesn't actually let The Scorpion drown. He uses water-proof webbing (hey, I just review these things) and pulls up a big bag of The Scorpion and abandons him on the dock for the police.
Just in time to miss his job and a woman who would have been arrested if she dated you before you turned eighteen if the 70's gave a damn about pedophilia.
 |
| Setback? I sure hope no one got dating advice from Marvel. |
Peter tried on last tries one last time to be a creep, Aunt May has a mild fainting attack, and I don't care. I'm not interested in a reason bullshit excuse for wahy Peter wants to destroy someone els's relationship so he can be with the woman just because he can't remember Liz's phone number. also, I'm diabetic and constantly get fainting spells. Have a candy, Aunt May.
Let's go see if Dracula will do something more interesting. Or any for more than a page at least.
WHAT THE HELL IS HE SWINGING ON: 6
No comments:
Post a Comment