Spider-Douchery #11--Doc Ock Again!

We open to Peter Parker dressed in his Spider-Man costume and moping over his love life.  This it going to be a pattern, isn't it?

His home lab is apparently designed by Dr. Seuss

Speaking of annoying patterns, Peter has left the radio on...like you do back then I guess...and overhears an announcement that Doc Ock will be released from prison today.  And people complain about Arkham Asylum these days.

For once, he's done moping.  He's going to do something! He's going to complain.  So close, Peter, so close.

He goes to the warden, who rightfully tells him masked weirdos can't override the law just because they have a grudge.  Let's see how long that lasts (hint: not very).

So Peter goes home and creates another staple of Spider-Manning: his spider tracers.  They look just like real spiders, but like previous mumbo jumbo where he could talk to spiders, these things send signals to him and him only.

Back to the prison.  Good thing he has the endurance and free time of a spider.

He watches Doc Ock complain he's expected to get a job like a normal person before getting into a car.  This is already suspicious, but the driver of the car turns out to be Betty Brant.  Yep, she's actually involved in a plot other than having a silly crush on someone significantly younger than her. She drives off, too fast for Spider-Man to follow, so he throws his spider-tracer on the car.  She also conveniently threw a map of Philadelphia out the window.  She might as well have put a big red X on it and written 'Go here, moron!'

Cut to another prison, where Betty's brother is berating his lawyer.  This was a confusing scene at first, as the prisoner, called 'Blackie', looks a lot more like Betty than the skinny blonde with straight hair.

Bennet 'Blondie' Brant returns to...wherever Dr. Octopus and Betty are, and Dr. Octopus berates both of them for not expositing faster. Bennet's in trouble over a gambling loan and does what Blacki says despite Blackie being in jail, and he can't leave and start fresh until Doc Ock breaks Blacki out of jail.  Because reasons.  And Betty took out a loan from the mob to try and help pay off his debts.  There.  All caught up.

The next scene is Peter talking to Aunt May, saying he wants to take a trip out to Philadelphia.  Alone.  Aren't you in school?  And a minor?  It's all okay; he'll be back by Monday for class and Aunt May will...be old I guess...back in New York.

After a plane ride--wait, aren't you guys broke?  He scours the city.  Cue obligatory 'I've looked everywhere and no sign of what I'm looking for' panel.  Trust me, it's been a pattern since issue 4.  I just left it out with all the other nonsense going on.

I'l use my tracking device to find the plot!  I won't let anyone have one without me!

He does find Betty, just walking around with no supervision.  So much for Doc Ock being a genius.  Spider-Man changes back into Peter Parker and tells Betty he just happened to be here and was looking for her just because he missed her.  So much for him being a genius

.

If you're wondering why she doesn't think this is suspicious stalker behavior, that's because she left her brain at the hideout.  She tells Peter everything. I'm sorry, why?  I know he's deciding to tell her he's Spider-Man, but he intends to tell her after he catches Doc Ock and after they both go back to New York.  She has no idea about any of that.  What's non-Spider-Man Peter going to do?

Good thing he is Spider-Man, otherwise, he wouldn't screw up so badly a few minutes later.  Wait...  Maybe if he wasn't Spider-Man he'd pay attention.  Doc Ock just broke out Blackie and took off, completely unnoticed and the police arrive in the nick of time to do nothing except blame Spider-Man when he arrives, forcing him to have to black out the search light so he can run away.

Isn't it the middle of the day?  Stupid lazy backgrounds.

Don't worry, he catches up when they all get on Blackie's boat.  Doc Ock gets on because he refuses to let Blackie out of his sight until he gets his money and Blackie demands the Brants be on the boat as hostages.  I'd say Blackie has outsmarted everyone, except Blackie's goons, show up out of nowhere to say he wants to make a clean getaway.

Peter's not doing all that great at this Spider-Man thing today.  He only manages to catch up to the boat because the rental car of Betty's was used to get there.  He then swings onto the boat and promptly sprains his ankle on a pile of very rope hidden in plain sight.  We all have days like that, don't we?

The good news is he knows how to start beating up the goons without whining about his injury for several panels.  The bad news is he's swinging from the top gutter of the panels; his webbing isn't even hanging from anything that actually exists in the comic.

During the fight, which consists of Spider-Man twirling on his webbing and punching and kicking goons dumb enough to rush him, someone drops a gun and Doc Ock is knocked down some stairs.  Blackie dives for the gun and Spider-Man ignores the goons as they disappear again and tries to stop him.  Blackie fires wildly, trying to hit Spider-Man, and Bennet decides to get in the line of fire to protect betty instead of trying to run from the fight.

Spider-Man even told him to use common sense.  Are we sure Bennet is a lawyer when he uses the logic of a toddler?

Bennet gets shot and Betty starts wailing about how she blames and hates Spider-Man now.  Uh, Peter, do you REALLY want to get romantically involved with someone this stupid?  Also, it looks loke Bennet just had some bad fish.

I hate you for warning my brother not to be stupid, but he was anyway!  It's somehow contrived to be your fault!

Dead or not, Betty hates him and Spider-Man's pissed about it. How DARE Blackie trap him in a cliche misunderstanding romance plot?  Even with two goons jumping on his back and Blackie firing his only bullet, Spider-Man races towards him up the stairs and grabs him and then...throws him down the stairs, which is now a flat and level alley.  Whatever, he's pissed and totally thrashed that guy without killing him.

Now that Blackies...thrown, Doc Ock wants to fight Spider-Man.  It's more or less a stalemate as they run around in circles on the ship.  Spider-Man tries to chase Doc Ock so far he can get behind him but Doc Ock is too smart for that and grabs him.  So Spider-Man has to resort to continuity: he ties up Doc's tentacles.  Yet again.  After being chased some more, Spider-Man decides to try something new: he sprays a fire extinguisher in Doc's face.

They go back to chasing each other like Tom and Jerry and the remaining two goons decide to leave with the money and take Betty as a hostage.  In all the rush, they forget to exposit just how they intend to leave.  It doesn't matter, though, because the major character flaw for Doc Ock is his ego.  He's not going to let anyone else have a plot to themselves while he's around.  This gets him kicked in the face by Spider-Man and Betty faints because that's the most women could accomplish back then.

Make way!  Comedic Chase in progress!

His work done, Doc Ock jumps ship to a smaller boat he had hired before settling Blackie free.  Spider-Man actually makes note that Doc Ock has the advantage on a smaller craft, but goes after him because some heroing needs to be done.  Lousy ankle or not, he's going to risk it.

It's a stalemate again.  Doc Ock had multiple arms, yet Spider-Man is faster.  They're both pretty equally matched in terms of strength.    However, none of these two geniuses thought ahead beyond 'punch out the other guy',  Not only does the captain of the small boat jump out, saying he wasn't paid for this crap, not only do the police arrive as these two have been as subtle as a car wreck, but they don't see the posts in the water made to keep boats out.  

The captain is never seen (or mentioned) again.  Personally, I like to think he eventually became Hydroman.  The Police say 'fuck it' to the little boat and go after the big one.  Probably because it crashes and sinks once it hits that post.

Spider-Man swims out of the wreckage and finds a spot to make a webbing bandage for his ankle.  After that, he checks to make sure everyone's okay and the criminals are arrested.  Doc Ock is nowhere to be found and Bennet had died from his bullet-inflicted cramps.  Betty isn't being arrested and despite having a chance to pin everything on Ock, they all say Spider-Man saved the day and they're guilty.

Later, Peter attends Bennet's funeral with Betty.  She says she understands that Bennet was a moron and got himself killed, but she still hates Spider-Man.  The End.

I can't help create pointless drama!

I really like this story, save for Betty thinking she's a character in Apartment 3-G.  Spider-Man has criminals that are his equal and he has to outsmart them right on the spot instead of taking days to invent something that just ends up in his junk drawer.  He also knows that situations are risky yet have to be dealt with, not saying 'I forgot he could do what he always does!' and punching the guy out.  I still wish Betty and Aunt May would take a long vacation and come back as real characters, though.

WHAT THE HELL IS HE SWINGING ON?  COUNT: 7
_________________________________________

Click here

It's Marvel's favorite and most useless vampire.  It's Morbius in the Marvel Rebooted Universe.

The MRU could always use more readers and writers.

____________________________________

Looking for more?  Check out my other works and my store.

If you'd like to help keep these projects going!  Check out my Patreon and contribute.  Chooses from speedier blogs to a prize bag and a charity dinner!

Check out Duskodesh, a great artist and a wonderful Morbius fan.  Thanks for donating!