Speaking of story, the comic jumps right into it. Let's hope this isn't another hoax like last time.
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| So, if he had toe fight The Lizard at the last second, what would your contingency plan be? |
All that effort and coordination and they couldn't afford visible walkie-talkies or more than one dollar store Halloween mask.
Spider-Man flings himself at the helicopter with the flagpole. I had no idea they were made out of flubber. It's a good thing the helicopter only moved about three feet. They can do that, right?
The crooks unsurprisingly were ready for him. What is surprisingly is that the crowd below complains that Spider-Man sucks now because he goofed up. Really people? That happens about two-thirds of the time, and he still brings in the bad guys in under a week. Or maybe under two days, it's hard to tell with early comics.
It turns out that's the villain's plan: to make Spider-Man look bad. Really? You didn't need to plan that; you could have just waited and he'd do it on his own.
It turns out that's the villain's plan: to make Spider-Man look bad. Really? You didn't need to plan that; you could have just waited and he'd do it on his own.
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| Spider-Man goofed up, your face is melting, and the comic is already full of filler and BS. Ho hum. |
Anyway, Mr. Cheapest Mask Ever says he's in charge and unsurprisingly, the rest of the crime mafiosos decide 'fuck this guy'. He's not going to take that without a fight. Or, rather, his flunkies will while he narrates about them. One guy is tiny. He's not short, he's just a miniature version of a generic guy. He's also fast, so he can really get you in the crotch before you see him coming. I'll admit that could change come minds.
The other flunkies are...less impressive. One is just a big guy who can take punches. The other is a glorified rodeo cowboy who doesn't have the decency to dress like one. That's it. That's all they do. I'd be more impressed if crotch-puncher took over.
But if you want to read about that, you'd better head on over to Daredevil. This isSpider-Man's Aunt May's story. Liz and Flash have arrived to visit her. No need to wait, they just barge in on her. This open door policy at the hospital must really bother the nurses there.
These two aren't here to waste their time, at least. They're here to bitch at Peter for not donating blood to Aunt May when she needs it. Peter says he can't because he's afraid of needles and they call him a wuss. I get that real phobias can be serious, but they have a point. Besides, if Peter was so bent on not giving blood in case Aunt May turns into a spidery version of She-Hulk, say you're taking prescription drugs, underweight, or caught something bad from a previous transfusion.
But enough of that, Peter just needs a panel to whine and then he's giving blood and his classmates are gone and Aunt May is being driven home by...some people. Strangers, I guess. So much for responsibility already. Good riddance to that plot.
Unfortunately, leaving Aunt Mummy and Needier Parker means it's back to Mr. Mask. While he's doing pretty impressive things, like airlifting entire train cars to steal, he's not that interesting, save for questions of how his operation is plausible without him being the Kingpin and already owning most of the city, including the police. But I get ahead of myself. The Kingpin isn't in comics yet, not even Daredevil's.
Speaking of Daredevil, this story could use a lot more of him. Or any of him. What we get is Spider-Man watching the cops as they arrest mobsters--who haven't done anything thanks to Mr. Mask--and talk to himself about how they're all scared to talk because of the Enforcers. How the hell does he know that?
I guess Spider-Man is moonlighting as the narrator for some extra cash because he's exactly right. In fact, except for giving a generic description of Spider-Man, the next panel is the first time the narrator chimes in. That actually explains a lot of Peter's laziness.
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| Maybe if you had a theme or a catchy group name people would fear you |
But if you want to read about that, you'd better head on over to Daredevil. This is
These two aren't here to waste their time, at least. They're here to bitch at Peter for not donating blood to Aunt May when she needs it. Peter says he can't because he's afraid of needles and they call him a wuss. I get that real phobias can be serious, but they have a point. Besides, if Peter was so bent on not giving blood in case Aunt May turns into a spidery version of She-Hulk, say you're taking prescription drugs, underweight, or caught something bad from a previous transfusion.
But enough of that, Peter just needs a panel to whine and then he's giving blood and his classmates are gone and Aunt May is being driven home by...some people. Strangers, I guess. So much for responsibility already. Good riddance to that plot.
Unfortunately, leaving Aunt Mummy and Needier Parker means it's back to Mr. Mask. While he's doing pretty impressive things, like airlifting entire train cars to steal, he's not that interesting, save for questions of how his operation is plausible without him being the Kingpin and already owning most of the city, including the police. But I get ahead of myself. The Kingpin isn't in comics yet, not even Daredevil's.
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| Helicoptering armored car off the street is downright impressive, but robbing a small gang of nerds and blowing up one small safe? |
I guess Spider-Man is moonlighting as the narrator for some extra cash because he's exactly right. In fact, except for giving a generic description of Spider-Man, the next panel is the first time the narrator chimes in. That actually explains a lot of Peter's laziness.
In fact, Spider-Man has disappeared while the narrator confirms that the only mobsters the police nab work for Mr. Mask, who bails put loyal subordinates and trashes resistors.
Someone else who's lazy, but bothered to show up is Jameson. Or maybe it's just a poorly lit used car salesman with the same name. He's here to blame all of this on Spider-Man. That's quite a stretch, even for him. The police just tell him to piss off and...wait, now he's in his office, yelling at some guy named Foswell. How'd he get here? Who the hell is Foswell? None of this is explained because Peter's not around to narrate to us.
After reminding Jameson about his screw up last issue by claiming Electro was Spider-Man, Foswell goes to whine at Betty for sympathy. She doesn't' care and it's made clear a few panels later. It turns out she took a loan out from the mob and they want more money because she can already tell how bad Crotch Puncher is. But Peter's here! ...And he forgot he needs to be Spider-Man to kick ass, so he just lets a bunch of goons beat him up. What a hero?
Betty runs off crying because she doesn't want Peter to know she's involved with the mob as a victim and Peter decides she must be a rude bitch and not care for her. Wait, what? How badly did you get hit, Peter?
Who cares? He doesn't. He ditches work before he even enters the building and changes into Spider-Man so he can go after the mob and...treat people the same way the mob does. He grabs them, threatens them if they don't talk, and says he's going after his boss so they better not snitch. Not really being an asshole, more karma this time around.
He even goes so far as to construct a giant creepy spider and disgusting looking web to threaten mob goons. A for effort, I guess.
After interrogating enough goons (or one that's poorly drawn), Spider-Man swings off to find the Enforcers. Then he gets caught by the Enforcers. I don't know what he expected. Instead of giving us a fight scene, Spider-Man takes a moment to whine about feeling weak from the transfusion and cheats by turning out the lights and bails on the plot he was gung ho about running into a few minutes ago. Why wasn't he exhausted swinging around looking for the Enforcers?
Because...look, it's Jameson! Yes, Jameson walks past, not seeing Spider-Man while he's chilling in an alley in a bad neighborhood. Maybe he is just a used car salesman who looks vaguely similar. Peter gets suspicious. The leader of the Enforcers must be a guy with money...for some reason not explained. Peter thenfollows Jameson to confirm his suspicions calls Betty to ask her if she knows if Jameson is involved with the mob.
Betty panics and tells Peter she'll talk tomorrow, but not right now. Good. It'd be an awkward conversation to hear him rattle off weird accusations and try to rationalize why she'd know about Jameson's personal life. Speaking of not knowing about someone's personal life, Jameson tells Peter to piss off for asking him about Betty's. Point for Jameson. It's creepy when bosses and co-workers want to pry into your life.
So Peter goes home to mope. I thought Jameson told him to get back to his job. At least Peter's forgotten about Aunt May...which may be a bad thing because we haven't seen her since those strangers drove off with her. You suck at this responsibility stuff, you know that, Peter?
Finally, he gets an idea. Is it a good idea? No.
He's going to announce he knows who the leader of the Enforcers is, and thus that'll attract the Enforcers. Don't give up your day job, Peter. Wait, this is your day job. You're screwed, Peter.
The next day, everyone at school is either impressed or thinks he's trying to get attention. See? Don't insult people and the worst they'll do is think you're bragging. Even Flash warns Peter it's a dumb idea, but Peter brushes it off. He can't find out Flash is a normal human being until he's in college.It turns out both Flash and Peter are right. He gets escorted into a car by the mob and no other options. At least they were polite enough to wait until after school. And not go after his loved ones instead. They even decide to take him to their headquarters because they plan to kill him, but not right now, so they lock him in a room with an obvious escape route. Just because the mobsters are dumb as rocks doesn't mean this is a good plan, Peter.
Peter takes off his clothes and has his Spider-Man suit underneath. You've carried your clothes with you before, why not do it now so no one makes the connection? Or was your plan based entirely on every single one of these guys being able to be outsmarted by a jar of mayonnaise?
I'd say the fight scene is awesome this time around, but it's more fabulous than anything else. He punches, leaps over guys, smacks people in the crotch with car doors (I'm not kidding). When they try to fight back again, he tricks them into fighting each other, then log-rolls barrels they throw at them. By now the mob is running out of flunkies, so they bring in the enforcers.
The cowboy tries his best and...well, it's a cowboy in a Spider-Man comic. He's not even a regular cowboy; he can't even be bothered to dress up like one. Of course, he sucks. The big guy just decides to throw barrels at him. Yeah, that doesn't work either. Mr, Mask even joins the fight, hoping to start a long-winded boss battle. unfortunately, the story has turned into D&D and he's a bard, so all he can do is cast Grease. I guess it's hard to expect much from a guy who saran-wraps his mask on. Finally, it's crotch-puncher's turn. Sure, Spider-Man defeats him, but only by luck (and after he gets his crotch punched. Ow). Crotch-puncher also knows Judo, which means he wants to alternate between pile-driving Spider-Man into a wall and teaching him to wear a cup from now on.
Unfortunately, he didn't know Spider-Man sticks to walls. I guess intelligence was his dump stat.
It looks like Spider-Man took too long dealing with the bosses. The flunkies have respawned, and they've brought their car with them...for some reason. Then Spider-man remembers he was supposed to contact the police a long time ago. Whoopsie.
He takes off his crotch light and uses webbing to stick it to a wall to it shines out into the street. Normally, this would take a while to accomplish anything, maybe even to the point of 'never', but police in comics at this time love taking credit for things that take no effort once they arrive.
Meanwhile, Mr. Mask pulls out a gun. Not really a threat at this point dude. This is the 10th issue and we all know Spider-Man doesn't become Oracle. Predictably, he's not that good with it. He just fires all the bullets in a panic as Spider-Man hides behind a steel beam. Then he runs away, realizing he should have done that instead in the first place.
After reminding Jameson about his screw up last issue by claiming Electro was Spider-Man, Foswell goes to whine at Betty for sympathy. She doesn't' care and it's made clear a few panels later. It turns out she took a loan out from the mob and they want more money because she can already tell how bad Crotch Puncher is. But Peter's here! ...And he forgot he needs to be Spider-Man to kick ass, so he just lets a bunch of goons beat him up. What a hero?
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| Crotch-Puncher also has the superpower to turn into a cat |
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| Where did he find time to put that together? |
After interrogating enough goons (or one that's poorly drawn), Spider-Man swings off to find the Enforcers. Then he gets caught by the Enforcers. I don't know what he expected. Instead of giving us a fight scene, Spider-Man takes a moment to whine about feeling weak from the transfusion and cheats by turning out the lights and bails on the plot he was gung ho about running into a few minutes ago. Why wasn't he exhausted swinging around looking for the Enforcers?
Because...look, it's Jameson! Yes, Jameson walks past, not seeing Spider-Man while he's chilling in an alley in a bad neighborhood. Maybe he is just a used car salesman who looks vaguely similar. Peter gets suspicious. The leader of the Enforcers must be a guy with money...for some reason not explained. Peter then
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| Who leaves a lawnchair in an alley? |
So Peter goes home to mope. I thought Jameson told him to get back to his job. At least Peter's forgotten about Aunt May...which may be a bad thing because we haven't seen her since those strangers drove off with her. You suck at this responsibility stuff, you know that, Peter?
Finally, he gets an idea. Is it a good idea? No.
He's going to announce he knows who the leader of the Enforcers is, and thus that'll attract the Enforcers. Don't give up your day job, Peter. Wait, this is your day job. You're screwed, Peter.
The next day, everyone at school is either impressed or thinks he's trying to get attention. See? Don't insult people and the worst they'll do is think you're bragging. Even Flash warns Peter it's a dumb idea, but Peter brushes it off. He can't find out Flash is a normal human being until he's in college.It turns out both Flash and Peter are right. He gets escorted into a car by the mob and no other options. At least they were polite enough to wait until after school. And not go after his loved ones instead. They even decide to take him to their headquarters because they plan to kill him, but not right now, so they lock him in a room with an obvious escape route. Just because the mobsters are dumb as rocks doesn't mean this is a good plan, Peter.
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| Let's hope that's his gun under there |
I'd say the fight scene is awesome this time around, but it's more fabulous than anything else. He punches, leaps over guys, smacks people in the crotch with car doors (I'm not kidding). When they try to fight back again, he tricks them into fighting each other, then log-rolls barrels they throw at them. By now the mob is running out of flunkies, so they bring in the enforcers.
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| This fall is fabulous! |
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| Impossibly awesome or awesomely impossible? |
It looks like Spider-Man took too long dealing with the bosses. The flunkies have respawned, and they've brought their car with them...for some reason. Then Spider-man remembers he was supposed to contact the police a long time ago. Whoopsie.
He takes off his crotch light and uses webbing to stick it to a wall to it shines out into the street. Normally, this would take a while to accomplish anything, maybe even to the point of 'never', but police in comics at this time love taking credit for things that take no effort once they arrive.
Meanwhile, Mr. Mask pulls out a gun. Not really a threat at this point dude. This is the 10th issue and we all know Spider-Man doesn't become Oracle. Predictably, he's not that good with it. He just fires all the bullets in a panic as Spider-Man hides behind a steel beam. Then he runs away, realizing he should have done that instead in the first place.
Spider-Man goes after him but fails to catch him. He's gone behind a closed door with no handle. It's not like he ripped open a locked door last issue too late to catch him. But Spider-Man already suspects whom he is and goes to check it out. He spies on Jameson and waits for proof. It turns out he's half right. Foswell comes in and while Jameson complains at him the police come in for an arrest. It was...Foswell! Yep, the police did some actual work and traced the number of a car speeding away from the from scene. They checked put the back and found the visit and mask.
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| And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for this meddling forehead! |
Unfortunately, Peter's gone to pout over his crush and love life that never happened. He refuses to think Betty didn't want to hurt him and wanted a clean break and stews. Meanwhile, she pines for him and thinks everything is over if he wants to talk things out.
Oh, and it turns out Aunt May and those strangers went to Florida.
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| Have you considered, I don't know, asking him? |
The End.
I actually like this story. Peter's not more focused on being a dick to his classmates and Jameson that being Spider-Man, he feels bad for rushing into things and misjudging Jameson and for once, he learns a lesson about it all. I'm not buying that Peter and Betty are in love, but teenagers always take their first crushes hard. Sure, there's some genuinely dumb stuff, but this is only the tenth issue in the 1960's from a company that still had Sue being Sue. It's a rocky start, but at least it's a good rocky start.
WHAT THE HELL IS HE SWINGING ON COUNT: 4
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I actually like this story. Peter's not more focused on being a dick to his classmates and Jameson that being Spider-Man, he feels bad for rushing into things and misjudging Jameson and for once, he learns a lesson about it all. I'm not buying that Peter and Betty are in love, but teenagers always take their first crushes hard. Sure, there's some genuinely dumb stuff, but this is only the tenth issue in the 1960's from a company that still had Sue being Sue. It's a rocky start, but at least it's a good rocky start.
WHAT THE HELL IS HE SWINGING ON COUNT: 4
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It's Marvel's favorite and most useless vampire. It's Morbius in the Marvel Rebooted Universe.
The MRU could always use more readers and writers.
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