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| It's not a good sign when the villain doesn't even know you're there until you conveniently pass out behind him |
I'll give you this Marvel: it's a damn good hook.
We get right into the action, with the cops needing back up and in swoops Spider-Man.
He... has other stuff to do. Actually, Aunt May has stuff to do but wanted Peter to do it instead. Wow, a double-whammy of 'Screw you readers' and on the first page even. Aunt May goes to sleep after telling Peter cliches and Peter worries because he didn't tell her how she's actually REALLY sick, not just kinda sick. I know I should feel bad, but all she's done is be an excuse as to why he doesn't live alone, told him to clean up and put on a sweater, and worried about naughty bad guys who hurt people. I feel worse for Flash Thompson and Betty Brant and we haven't gotten to how badly they get it.
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| He doesn't give a Spider-Fuck |
He approaches two policemen taking money out of an armoured car and just zaps their digital watches. I guess standards were pretty low back then. Ha, he's just screwing with them. He starts zapping everything, streetlights, the car, and laughing at it all. He's gonna have fun as a villain, damnit.
Speaking of fun, let's return to a scene where there is none. A doctor has shown up for a single panel to tell Peter and Aunt May, that she has to go to the hospital. Why? A bad case of old I'm guessing. The next day, Peter's more off-putting than usual in class, gets made fun of, then storms off. Flash actually apologises and offers to talk things out, but Peter storms off.
And that's it.
Was something supposed to happen, or did the reader leave several panel descriptions blank and fill them in at the last minute?
Sadly, that's probably the case, as just after...whatever that was, Peter goes to the hospital to see Aunt May. ...and then he leaves. With Betty Brant, who was waiting with Aunt May. Privacy? What's that?
Wait, did he ditch his dying Aunt to try to score?
Actually, it appears that Betty is the one to try to do that.
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| People thought this about Edward Cullen, too. You might want to reconsider things, Betty. |
Is this the entire story? Peter doing random things that are slightly related and Electro just wandered in to goof off? I'll admit that'd be in character for both of them.
Finally, he does what he's best at. No, not being a hero. Whining. He whines about leaving his clothes to dry in front of an open window where anyone with binoculars could see them. Then he tries to study and complains Aunt May's health is distracting him. Come on man, she's lived to three million, she'll make it through a few vague plot diseases.
Then we move on to someone else complaining: Jameson. I gotta admit he's a breath of fresh air, despite nagging people about things he knows they can't control.
Then--would this comic hold still for a minute? I've known ferrets that could pay attention to one thing for longer than this comic.
Then a guard at the same bank as Jameson is at notices sparks from and open door. Thankfully the artist made it clear the sparks are coming from inside. I say this because lately backgrounds have been so minimal, that we've been lucky that doors are drawn attached to a wall.
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| It probably wasn't the best idea to hire someone whose first thought is to grab something with vicible electric bolts flying out of it. |
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| And if his hands were made of metal, this would mean something |
The police arrive, only hired to need Spider-Man's help or to get there too late. They did get extra funding, though, and it was spent on learning how to tell people to piss off. They do just that when Jameson starts claiming Electro is Spider-Man, because who else could do all that? Spider-Man's right there, above them!
The answer is obviously no one anymore knows, but that doesn't stop Jameson.
He goes ahead and IMMEDIATELY prints that Spider-Man. Jameson: the angry blogger before it's time.
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| That's probably the least helpful description short of 'probably human' |
Say, wasn't it raining a few minutes ago?
And why was Spider-Man just swinging around doing nothing?
And how did he get a newspaper after immediately returning to the hospital?
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| Newspaper in question, At least Jonah knows his audience, which is dumb people. They're never in short supply. |
To be told he needs MORE money for Aunt May's operation. I mean, how else are we going to increase drama in this story? Character development? Like that's ever going to happen.
So Peter...goes to see Jameson? How is everyone getting everywhere so fast? Or have several days passed and the artist can only draw a single hour of the day?
It'd be pretty hilarious to see Peter showing up and waiting around for Jameson to give him more money and Betty asks him why he doesn't spend his time taking pictures for a week.
So Peter asks for a thousand dollars. No explanation as to why; just saying he wants money. Jameson rightfully thinks Peter's a selfish kid who doesn't understand how working works and tells him to go away and get pictures so he can print out another article, this time including the reward the police are offering.
Peter gets a bright idea. The photos and the reward can pay for both the operation and extra the doctors want. Took him long enough. At this point, Betty would do a faster job at stopping Electro.
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| This is about as bright of an idea as he'll get until he miraculously enters college |
Third times a charm, especially when he actually looks for Electro. He finds him on the top of an abandoned apartment building, breaking open the safe. Why? Because some idiot left all their money, jewels, and other expensive stuff there for no reason.
Continuing his long train of fail, Spider-Man gets caught trying to take pictures of Electro, then gets zapped by Electro's suit failsafe before Electro can warn him not to try it and knocks himself out. Maybe he really should leave crime fighting to Betty.
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| I think someone needs an adult, but I'm not sure who |
Peter stalks off to
Well, it's pretty clear what we're supposed to think of Electro: he's fucking fun. He just laughs at the paper and the shitty picture and decides to one-up it so people won't even remember Spider-Man after his next act. Given how dumb the people who read the newspapers are, that' not going to be that hard.
We then get a flashback about how Electro became Electro. He was a jackass of an electrician who refused to save a friend stuck on a power line pole unless he got extra money. Thankfully he got his money and rescued the guy, or we'd have a generic boring 'Why me?' villain. Just after he sends down his coworker with a rope, he gets zapped by freak lightning. He doesn't tell anyone about the injury, or that he got powers from it. He secretly builds up his powers and his suit before going out on the town. He isn't stupid, he just looks stupid.
We return to Peter back at the hospital yet again. Are visiting hours ever over, or has Aunt May been there for a week? And who didn't see this coming: Aunt May wants Peter to stay in the hospital throughout the operation. Uh, why? He's not going to be there to hold her hand or sit next to her while they operate on...whatever it is they want to operate on. Of course, he can't say no, he's a pushover and mental slave to the old bat.
Meanwhile, Electro is still doing things that are actually interesting. He's breaking into prison. He's even using the back door.Don't worry, that's not his zany scheme. He's here to break out all the other criminals to be his flunkies. I think he should have asked first to check if they agree to that deal, but I guess he's in a hurry.
Enough of that. Betty comes by the
As does Jameson. He's standing with the police, yelling that since Spider-Man isn't there, it's proof he's Electro. Why? No time, new scene, move down.
Electro has yet to think he should have thought this plan through, though he's almost there. He had a shield up to prevent the police from coming in, but he's dropped it, hoping the prisoners who just ran way would learn a lesson. Silly Electro, no one learns a damn thing in this series for another decade or two.
Back to the hospital. No, really, in one panel police and escaped prisoners are fighting, in the next, Betty and Peter are told Aunt May's operation is over. Next Panel she's asleep. That was ink well spent. Now Betty has to take up the role of 'don't go! It's dangerous!' It's not like it's his job that he's chosen to do and has probably judged the risks like an adult. Well, he hasn't, but it's not her place to do that, either.
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| He's been following SPider-Man to take pictures since you met him. You're brining this crap up now? |
Too bad Jameson is now worrying that Spider-Man is finally swinging to help. He could have had run back to publish yet another overblown complaint.
Actually staying with the scene, Spider-Man stops in an empty part of the prison to prepare to fight Electro. You'd think he'd stop to pry glass out of is skin, considering he went through a window to do it, but dangerous windows haven't been invented yet. I'm just going to assume this empty place is the bathroom and move on to him getting ready to fight Electro. His genius scheme is rubber gloves and boots. Yes, the police might as well have called in a plumber to take out Electro. I guess they were willing to wait for someone who'd do it for free. And who'd keep the copyright of all pictures he takes five minutes to set up the camera for.
Electro hasn't done much during all of this and decides to exposits why. He just stood there and watched the police recapture everyone who didn't want to join him initially and (supposedly) put back his electric barrier to keep the police from those having second thoughts about rushing out the front door. But Spider-Man decides to barge in while Electro and his new potential flunkies start planning.
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| Where's the walls go? |
Really Spider-Man? First, you just wander around and refuse to be anywhere for more than a whole minute, now you're in so much of a hurry you won't even let the villain make his evil plan? I guess he's trying to make up for wasting our time with the rest of the comic.
We finally get a cool action sequence. No more 'This robot will kill me, despite doing nothing of the sort!' for several pages or just stalling until he vacuums up the villain. No, he's kicking and punching, and just enough to be awesome and not the complete dick he usually is. He smacks Electro away and then gets to work taking out the rest of the prisoners and sending the rest running to be caught by the police.
Then Electro pulls out a gun, about to shoot Spider-Man while he's distracted with the normal criminals. Wait, why the hell do you have a gun, Electro? You're freaking Electro! Zap him!
Spider-Man thinks the same thing and distracts him with webbing and Loony Tunes traps until he can web up the Hun and force him to fight like Electro. Electro's up to the challenge, swinging wires he pulled straight out of plot convenience. But Spider-Man has an artist ex Machina up his sleeve. He backs up into a fire hose. Wasn't there a set of stairs there a page ago? Who cares, most of the action panels didn't even show walls. And then it's over, later to be used in reverse to constantly defeat Hydroman with a live power line.
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| At first glance, this just seems wrong |
He removes Electro's mask, to reveal...it's some guy still. What did he expect? That every significant person in his life is related or goes to his high school?
Peter then heads over to the Daily Bugle and gets rightfully yelled at by Jameson. I think he's cranky all the time because his business never closes. He threatens to sue and fire Peter over fraudulent pictures, but Peter points out they don't have a contract because he's a freelancer. Good call about the contract, but I'm pretty sure that's not how freelancers actually operate.
There are a few pages left and Marvel didn't have enough fan letters to fill them with, so one is filled with Betty becoming a tool for arguing that will go nowhere, Peter making sure Aunt May is still alive, and Betty running up to Peter to apologize for thinking this was a Sunday romance comic.
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| How DARE you do the one thing I've always know you to do! |
Apparently, it takes breaking several laws of reality and everyone else being a hopeless idiot or a flaming villain to get Spider-Man to act like a hero and Peter not to be a dick. Maybe that's why the 90's were pretty awesome for the most part. Too bad it couldn't save the musical.
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| Because first crushes of teenagers is why we read Spider-Man |
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