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| Dude! Spoilers. |
As the criminal turn to see a giant spider-signal on the wall, Spider-Man swoops down from the shadows and starts beating up up the thugs and robbers. You'd think he would have used his webbing first, but he just saw the latest Batman cartoon and got to excited.
Don't worry, he was saving that webbing to string up the the bad guys and use the signal to call the cops. Don't ask me how they knew not to show up the first time, just the second time.
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| Not only is that an unfortunate place to put his spotlight but it's an unfortunate place to put his camera. Wait, what if he wants to use both? |
Meanwhile we get to the real plot where some guy nicknamed Doctor Octopus is showing off how her earned his moniker., those tentacle things. Unlike int he spoiler page, he's actually putting on a clunky girdle held on by the neck and the arms are controlled by those circular dials on ancient telephones. Yep, if you remember when phones had physical buttons and cords, consider yourself a piece of living history. Comics are sad sometimes.
Also just like in comics, nothing ever goes right as long as there's someone in a costume hanging around. They are just magnets for bad luck. Hardly anything ever goes bad when everyone around wears normal clothes. So radiation is leaking in, sirens are going off and I think Doctor Octopus is doing things backwards in the first place.
Well, the good news is that the explosion--because radiation itself can explode doncha know--didn't kill Doctor Octopus, but his mind has permanently been damaged. Don't worry, after a few bank robberies, he'll just be a normal jerk. He's now insane (in some way), ambitious, and his ego has been dialed up to 11 (though there's no evidence he wasn't like this before).
He breaks out of the prison-like hospital (or he was arrested for being blown up and the doctors checked on him while he was in his cell) and--with the mechanical arms fused to him, and somehow having destroyed she shirt underneath he either goes on a rampage or thinks he's Magneto. It's unclear.
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| Told you |
Oh course, J. Jonah Jameson wants pictures, because only one thing happens in the world at a time. At least in New York, and he's got a budget to keep to. This looks like a job for Spider-Man....for some reason. So, instead of trying to negotiate with doctors and the police for pictures in exchange for good press, interviews, help from the Bugle, etc, he climbs the wall without anyone noticing a bright red and blue human and finds Doctor Octopus's room, no problem.
Upon reaching the room, Spider-Man spies Doctor Octopus holding people hostage as he performs experiments. Not on them. the people are just standing there, not even tied up. Doc's just yelling at them to shut up. Apparently no one here has heard of how either doors or curtains work.
When Doctor Octopus actually threatens someone for whining too much, Spider-Man breaks through the window to fight. For the first jump, jumping around in random directions doesn't work, as Doctor Octopus's tentacles manage to smack him around, being, y'know, more than two. So Spider-Man just webs up the tentacles. Good idea, but it'd work a lot better if you thought of that before getting smacked around for not thinking.
Pretty soon, despite how much Spider-Man is struggling against the tentacles and is surprised they can break his webbing,Doctor Octopus just says 'Fuck this, I'm bored' and starts smacking Spider-Man around for wasting his time before throwing Spider-Man out the window and getting back to work.
More superior to Spider-Man than when he became Spider-Man
Cue the Spider-Whining. Yup we're on issue three and he's considering hanging up the mask just because he lost one fight for being a dumbass. Better get used to this, folks. Well, if only Doctor Octopus had bothered to turn his head and see how pathetic Spider-Man was getting, he might not have run away. Yes, he ran off despite being in the position to bitchslap the hero.
Despite being worried about the police, Doctor Octopus heads back to the Atomic Research Center and takes over the nuclear power plant--wait, didn't that blow up the whole place? I guess nuclear power IS renewable--it just renews the whole plant, not the radioactive material once it wears out. As he takes over, the radiation levels rise, especially where there shouldn't be any in the first place.
Meanwhile, Peter Parker has changed back into civilian clothes and walked al the way home just to mope. He even calls Jameson and tells him he won't get pictures today or ever. At all. Again. So he waits until the next day to hear about the government sending over the Fantastic Four to deal with the problem. I guess I can't call Spider-Man lazy when the only person bothering to show up and do anything is the Human Douchebag Torch, and all her does is go to Peter's school and give a pep talk. He doesn't even have props or a chair or anything, he just stands there like he's a the DMV for a photo so he can leave. He says his flame needs a few days to recharge all the way, but he can still do cheap jokes with his powers, also stay in school, don't do drugs, blablabla, and have confidence.
Yup, Peter's suddenly inspired again. All he needed was a Hang In There kitten poster. So he runs home, forgetting he still has school, and puts his Spider-Man outfit on. Good thing he didn't throw it in a trashcan. It's not like he'd ever consider giving up again and going so far as to toss it away, would he?
Well, we can only fit so much Spider-Angst in a story, so right now it's time for goofy comic book stuff we all love and prefer. Either Spider-Man read the exposition that happened nowhere near him or he just doesn't give a shit anymore. He decides instead of walking up to the Research Center, he's just going to slingshot himself over to it. It saves time and after all that Me-Me-Me crying, he needs some fun.
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| I'd make a joke about sticky versus stretchy, but all I can think of is how fun that looks |
Spider-Man lands on the roof and thankfully no one locks roof access doors (or thinks there's no use for them in a nuclear power plant), so he proceeds to wander aimlessly, hoping to find Doctor Octopus before the Doctor finds him. This plan backfires immediately because a) Duh and b) Doctor Octopus is in the control room, which monitors everywhere else and c) so much for thinking this time. Now Spidey's dodging machinery and...um...an angry vacuum?
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| It's like a Dalek with an hourglass figure |
After that, Spider-Man figures out Doctor Ocopus must be using cameras to see him and Doctor Octopus realizes Spider-Man dodges all his attacks. So, logically Spider-Man should start finding cameras and messing with them while Doctor Octopus throws several attacks at him at once, right? Wrong! Because...reasons? Doctor Octopus goes after Spider-Man to personally combat him in melee, while Spider-Man makes his way to the chem lab. Yes, I don't see any danger in an unlocked room full of random chemicals in a nuclear power plant either, Spider-Man, you go ignore the supervillain and screw around. Take your time and...make...these...
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I'm on issue 3 and I'm already baffled by everyone in the comic
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It turns out he made a strong solvent, which you'd think he could have just pulled out of the supply closet. Somehow psychically knowing Doctor Octopus will want to challenge him hand-to-tentacle, Spider-Man leaves the chem lab and soon finds his foe, and long (and I mean long for an early comic) fight starts). Doctor Octopus has better initiative, but he didn't expect Spider-Man to dabble in another class. Acid Splash is a level one cantrip, after all, so Spider-Man ens up fusing two tentacles together as they move. Doctor Octopus already has Bullrush and Improvised Weapon feats, so this hard bothers him. In fact, two tentacles smashing at Spider-Man is even worse that two, now.
An so the fight draws to a close as...Spider-Man does what any idiot with his powers would know to do: he blinds Doctor Octopus as a distraction, then punches him in the face. Doctor Octopus goes down like the pansy he is and all those wasted days are saved.
Spider-Man webs up Doctor Octopus, saying he'll never get out of his webbing--despite the fact that he has and that was the whole reason for making acid--and strings him up for the guards. What guards? The guards that are just now coming in when they've shown no incentive to do so any time during the fight of course.
We're not done yet (unless you closed the comic and moved on). Spider-Man gets personal information of the Human Torch and visits him in his hotel room. Why does he have a hotel room when the FF live in New York City? Probably because the Human Torch couldn't think of anything douchier and just decided to use Ben's credit card. So he comes in the open window, says he owes the Human Torch a thanks and leaves, utterly confusing him about pretty much everything.
And so the story ends with the Human Torch showing off to Peter and his college buddies and Peter not giving a crap he never turned in any pictures. The end, plus a bonus Spider-Man pinup page. I guess with all the nonsense, they still had one extra page to fill. Or by that time they just gave up and told the artist to handle the empty page himself.
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It's Marvel's favorite and most useless vampire. It's Morbius in the Marvel Rebooted Universe.
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