Giant-Sized Geeking: Spider-Douchery # 27 Yet more Crime Master bordeom

And suddenly Spider-Man is in chains. Somehow, that's less kinky. Crime Master says he's still in the Control the Mob game, but no one agrees with him, including the mob.

Spider-Man manages to escape while some goons are trying to take his mask off.

What?

Of course, he escapes. Extras aren't here to accomplish anything like de-masking Spider-Man. They're here to be beaten up in a bad three stooges move.

Why don't YOU do something, Goblin? you were shooting finger beams one panel ago.

Beaten up by a crowd, shot at by the Crime Master, and the Goblin firing finger beams at him, and Spidey is barely hurt and still masked by the time the cops finally show up. Who the heck wants to be in charge of these incompetent losers?

Spider-Man can't let the police be competent for once. This is not that kind of comic. This is the kind of comic where Spider-Man gets 5-290 minutes to set up his camera and take pictures of himself defeating the goons by himself and helping the police who are useless.

This may be a short review as there were just three pages of Spider-Man posing fighting gangsters.

Oh, and this guy is real

What the hell is this guy?

The Goblin and Crime Master get token mentions of shooting at him. at best before Spider-Man follows the guy who can't fly when he escapes.

Eventually, Spider-Man follows the Crime Master who bails on the whole fiasco. The Crime Master heads to the docks, then into a large pipe. He shoots nerve gas behind him in case Spidey is behind him, (which he is). Because nerve gas in Marvel works like oobleck; it does whatever makes the weirdest dialog and hat conceivable show up.

My case in point

Sadly, Spider-Man is bd a multiple choice. Seeing the Crime Master? Easy. One, simple choice. One way tunnel? One, simple, choice. the Sewer with many places to go? That requires his brain, so Spidey calls it quits.

This guy is what I call a Quantum Genius. He's only a genius when there's no story to read.

But hey, he remembers the original plot before the Goblin interrupted everything. Well, one thing.

Yay, trespassing...again.

It's best to leave the sleuthing to Batman, Spidey.

At a loss for anything that could help the plot, Spidey decided he needs to waste time talking to Jameson.

The bugle hasn't been bought out by Fox News yet. They still have integrity, Spidey. You can't just make things up yet.

Jameson calls in Foswell to call Spidey on his bullshit. He even calls in Foswell to call on the bullshit. You're a superhero, Spider-Man. That doesn't mean people answer to you randomly. It means you get to tell people how to deal with disasters.

Meanwhile, the Crime Master is trying to watch this conversation after Jamesone somehow pulled the shade down over the open window.

I honestly thought I had skipped a page. iIve seen better segues in Battlefireld Earth

Suddenly, gunfire. I honestly expected better from the cops, even back then. Foswell says 'well that's the end of the Crime Master' and now it's Spider-Man's turn to call bullshit. And suddenly the police teleport to JJJ's office. Now I'M calling bullshit.

Everyone's excuse is that Foswell ratted out the real Crime Master. but that's can't be right. Spidery says no. Based on.... stuff.

Frankenstein! I'll admit I never saw it coming

Spidey might believe the MonstrMash, but he still thinks Foswell is up to something....because.

JJJ can't convince the cops to arrest Spider-man because Spidey helped with that gangbuster. Except, Spidey ditched them. And he left a camera with his fingerprints all over it back there. Okay, only Spider-man remembers the last one.

Well, it's not there. We've all been there, Spidey. It sucks, I know.

Suddenly...I don't know. He senses something, runs away and ends up int he water.

Someone rolled a 1

It's just a bunch of kids. How suspenseful.

Is concretism contagious?

Oh for crying out loud, END already.

He changes into civilian duds a minute later. I'm calling that both magic and a superpower.

Pick a plot and stick with it

Does this comic have ADD? Seriously, comic, you need help.

Speaking of unable to concentrate, Peter immediately considers selling his pictures to another company.

Does every newspaper company have their own Betty?

the manager is excited for the photos, but he keeps asking how Peter got them. Yeah, it's not like that secret could get him in trouble with known Spider-Man villains, now could it? Peter bails, but the sad thing is, the guy is willing to change the subject and just wants to know more about Peter. Why not say you want to stay safe just in case and then tell him about school and get paid? I'm betting for reasons only a genius like him would know.

Well, he got paid by someone else somehow, meaning that scene was utterly pointless. Just like a lot of this comic. while Jameson brags he was the mastermind behind Foswell's masterminding, someone points out a different paper published the Spider-Man pics.

...and then we're back to Peter.

Even this comic is bored after half a page with these characters.

He's forced to do the one thing he absolutely hates doing: sewing a new Spider-Man suit. I'd ask when does he take this seriously, but there's more than one comic dedicated entirely or at least mostly to how little he gives a shit about being Spider-Man beyond the same praise people get on Instagram these days.

"I had to walk uphill both ways"
"Aunt May, you walked to the mailbox"

Peter falls for May's pity party and decides making a decent costume can wait.

There's some bickering and cliche 'I'll get you next time, ~~Captian Planet~~' Spider-Man!' that's supposed to be a cliffhanger, but I feel leaving the comic on this note is better: