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| By now this is just another day for Dracula |
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| Hey! That's not what happened. |
Get your shit together, comic.
And then the comic decides their hands aren't stuck so the author doesn't have to remember so much.
Wherever Dracula was going, it wasn't where he ended up. Weird monster things start attacking him and Taj. At first, Dracula wants to leave Taj to his fate with the monsters, but then he realizes there's only one human on the menu and it's the one he brought with him.
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| Help me, Dracula! You're my only--shit! |
Meanwhile, Rachel goes and asks Ilsa's servant about the mirror.
I know Dracula trying to travel back in time is probably a bad thing, but personally, I'd make "ask guy with concussion" Plan B.
Eh, screw those people. We're here for Dracula.
Sure, he ignores tons of cool stuff in this dimension like a pathway made of silver zombies refuse to touch, or corpses that are on fire but don't burn out. But he wanted time travel, and he is dead set on time travel.
I stand by that pun.
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| What? You don't have handy empty coffins lying around? |
By the way, Dracula has said he's in Transylvania three times now. How does he know? all he did was look out a Mausoleum window and that was after he said it twice.
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| No, you're not. That's Morbius. |
Stop stealing stuff from Morbius, he has his own problems. Wait, is this stealing when Morbius doesn't exist yet? I'm gonna say yes since this involves time travel.
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| Van Helsing is a Baron? Shouldn't he be running a barony instead of running after supernatural stuff? |
Dracula makes short work of Exposition Lady because she forgets to run away and she faints the second he grabs her. Vampires seem to be extreme Darwinists.
Really, really stupid ones. Someone finds his victim and he tells everyone and they all desire to burn down the castle. Vampires just can't get a break.
Dracula's actually pretty happy when the mob shows up. Wouldn't you be happy if a bunch of cheeseburgers showed up at your door?
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| Dude, don't start eating during a fight. That's just rude. |
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| The only hope to stop Dracula, ladies and gentlemen |
After opening the safe, Rachel figures out where Dracula went based purely on guesswork. Why wouldn't he go to the future where Rachel isn't? Why not prevent her death? Why not tell yourself to be careful about the whole Van Hellsing family? Why not prevent the first Van Hellsing Vampire slayer from being born? Why not teach them a different hobby? Why not go back to when humans were primitive and create a human farm? Why not keep going five seconds into the past and create a whole army of you?
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| You waited until now to tell him? |
They skip over the cool demoniac stuff and even open the sarcophagus no one should be strong enough to open. Because who wants characters to actually have a challenge?
Meanwhile, Dracula creates s sub-boss, I mean resurrects a new character, Lenore.
Lenore is badass. All three losers heroes have to throw a giant stone cross gravestone at her to get her to fly away.
Dracula almost kills Van Hellsing, but Rachel somehow has a bow with a whitethorn arrow, which is supposed to destroy vampires for good. So why doesn't blade use these things ever?
By the way, they ALMOST got it right. Silver and even crosses are technically new to vampire lore. Not as new as sparkling in the sunlight, but still rather recent. Most graves of suspected vampires had bricks shoved in their mouths (honestly, I'd like to see someone throw bricks at Dracula), necks severed, and HAWthorn staked in the bodies.
Hawthorn, by the way, is closely related to wild roses. Valentine's Day must be a real bitch for Dracula.
Where was I?
Oh right. Ever play a game where you keep fighting this really annoying boss because he runs away in a cutscene when you should have been able to kill him and get on with stuff?
That's this comic.
And many final fantasy games.
Weird.
Anyway, Dracula and Lenore somehow get all the way from Van Hellsing's residence, where the baron sits on the floor and decides to quit drinking, all the way to Castle Dracula and to the black mirror in the graveyard, followed by Rachel, Taj, and Frank, just seconds later. I think the writer just gave up.
Where was I?
Competence? No, none of that here, sadly. This issue is almost as bad as Spider-Man's and that was written a decade before. I think I fell into some weird time loop of lazy writing the equivalent of getting a box full of packing peanuts because someone forgot to put the actual item in before shipping.
Until next time, I guess.
But first, Spider-Man. Oof.
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