Spider-Man #36 Spidey vs The Loser

 

I think you'd have better luck hitting him with the flashlight you have there

Looks like the comic is over

Nope, some random guy finds the meteor after it lands.  

Did Concrete steal Starlord's mask?

And you look nothing like Uncle Fester.

Ah, the 'scientific' approach of anti-vaxxers and flat earthers.  

He gets a face full of gas when he starts shipping away.  He would have known the gas was there if he had done ANY science and used a scale.  I think he's a scientist the same way Dr. Pepper is a doctor.

Maybe I should see a real doctor... nah, that'd be stupid

He discovers he has super-strength.  forget flight, if you're a superhero or villain, you have super-strenth. You can qualify as having no powers and have that.  Also, super-exoskeletons, but everyone has an NDA not to talk about those.  But they have them.  Otherwise how else can everyone survive 60-foot drops into water or through brick walls?

You know, if I suddenly had superpowers, acting like a chicken would be pretty low on the list of things I would try

Get a job, Concrete

I said get a job

Peter FINALLY goes to college.  You know, that thing he enjoys and Aunt may desperately tries to make ends meet paying for it?

I'm a Spider-Man fan and I don't remember you

How dare you be happy with another girl when you barely know I exist?

Sally invites Peter to a party, and Peter says he'll try, but he might be busy.  Both girls say he's a stuck-up loser for having his own life.

Uh, why are we supposed to like these girls?  I know we're not supposed to like Betty (I hope not), but I thought Gwen was supposed to be one of his main love interests.

Is there a store where people get these outfits?  Does it have a 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy?

How many banks in New York are there to rob?

Oh, and he had another superpower

It's a flashlight

I've heard worse names for super-powered idiots, but this is pretty close

Why is he named The Looter?  The meteor is in the title and the story is obviously not about the space rock.

What kind of museum can't afford an actual poster?

Or is it a movie so artsy the poster is nothing but the title and the rest of it being blank is a 'message' about how empty the universe is?

Concrete has a sister?

Purely for science, of course

Gwen does not appreciate that Peter came to the science exhibit for the exhibits on science.

Somehow the meteor--or an identical one--is in the museum with no security around it.  Which the Looter decides to steal in broad daylight.  You know, comparatively, Peter does count as a genius in this situation.

It's not like your name is in the title of the comic or anything

So you're screwed

Spider-Man has one advantage, though.  He's gotten punched a lot more, so he knows the best way to dish them out to someone who--finally--fights worse than he does.

How many Concretes are there?

Too soon... wait...

Dazzle Gun sounds like a bad attack by a magical girl

He uses the... Dazzle Gun... to mess up Spider-Man's Spider-Sense. How does he know Spider-Man has that?  Why does he think light will mess it up?  Why even bother when it only works 1 time out of 20 at best?

The whole fight is less of a fight and more Shanghai Noon in which the Looter throws expensive museum pieces at Spider-Man, who has to catch them to keep them from breaking.

And then he's outside.  One panel he's proper a rocket back up, the next he outside by a window complaining he lost The Looter.  Don't teleport next time, idiot.

Sure, why not?

Besides the many reasons not to, of course.

He meets up with Gwen Stacy, who acts snobbish to him.  Gee, I wonder why he doesn't want to hang out with you or your friends.

Because men aren't allowed to be scared and run away from super-powered freaks according to her.  Why do we like her again?

I'm pretty sure Concrete has a glass jaw

The next day the museum decides to move the exhibit (it took over 35 issues for someone who isn't Spider-Man to do something smart).  Of course, The Looter interrupts.

 I'm pretty sure museums use more than just bungee cords to move precious displays 

Not only does The Looter try to steal the barely-tied-down rock, but Peter was waiting for an entire day for him to show up until just now to swing in and start fighting him.

Screw What the hell is he swinging on, What the hell is he parachuting from?

It turns out it's not a parachute, but a hot air balloon, which leaves me even more confused.No, I don't know how it's powered.  no, I don't know where it came from. No, I don't know why he didn't use it earlier.  No, I don't know where the roof went.

Spider-Man says it's a helium balloon, but I call bullshit on that.  Every few years, so idiot gets the idea to use helium balloons to 'fly'  They turn out to be impossible to navigate with, the air is freezing cold after a few feet, and unlike hot air balloon, it's impossible to land without risking severe injuries.

Somehow The Looter gets outside.  this guy should be renamed The Teleporter.  Spider-Man uses a bounce flagpole to jump up to grab the looter and start fist fighting with him. Why didn't he use his magic webbing?  Hes' the genius and I'm not.

Why tell us you're falling when we can clearly see it and even more clearly know it won't last more than a panel or two?

Whoah!  Save the projecting for Twitter, Spidey

I'd fall asleep during one of your speeches too

Spider-Man lets air out of the balloon and lets The Looter plummet to his doom to get tangled in wires clotheslines, meet angry dogs or people with guns ready to defend their property, traffic, and other obvious dangers.

Because taking pictures where you can barely see the criminal and have no idea what happened and have to trust some mystery person in homemade PJ's takes priority over anything else.

This looks wrong somehow

And that's the end.  No, really.  That's the end.

WHAT THE HELL IS HE SWINGING ON COUNT: 3