Giant-Sized Geeking: Spider-Man #37

What does tentacle rape have to do with the robot?

Someone needs a better hobby

No one talks like this. Hell, no one thinks like this.

Meanwhile, someone is watching this watcher and that's nowhere near as cool as it sounds. Then Spidey punches the guy. And then threatens him. And then he forces the guy to give him a ride.

And a hat

Somehow Spider-Man can tell Foswell's car, that he had the other guy follow, is stolen, but when the cos follow their car, he bails and instead of following Fosswel by web-slinging, he just gives up. I can't explain why; I'm not a genius like Parker. Also, I have no idea where his hat went.

Concrete, what did you DO?

Meanwhile, Jameson is yelling at everyone, from the new secretary to Peter. Also, the artists can't decide on what color the sky should be.

I have no legs!

Foswell reports on Professor Stromm, the guy who was released from prison to Jameson, who tells Foswell to go talk to Stromm and see what's up.

I shall have my revenge on Captain Picard for stealing my look!

After two panels of that, the comic moves to Peter and Gwen in a pissing contest. If it were any more childish it would be literal they'd both be in the unisex bathroom arguing over who was cheating.

Flash comes over, concerned about Gwen and Peter leaves because he doesn't want to hurt Flash because he can't control his strength. What were they fighting about anyway Peter acts like an ass even when trying to apologize.

That makes no sense, genius

Meanwhile...

I was expecting a robot

The robot is mentally remote-controlled. Cool, but why a tentacle monster?

My next step will be to remove the doorknocker from the side of the stairs

Despite the robot being able to climb walls, it walks straight for a ~~police officer~~ oddly dressed security guard in what I think is broad daylight.

The place can only afford one security guard and not enough to fight tentacled robots. So the thing wrecks the place. Why not just resort to arson? I'm pretty sure that's cheaper.

See? You didn't need a robot to set things on fire.

Go back to work, Concrete

Spider-man swings into action! And then gets his ass kicked. I can't say I didn't see that coming.

Is this really suitable for kids?

I don't recommend getting it off, Spidey

The dialog is seriously not helping

Spider-man jumps into the fire to make the robot stop... um... that.

The robot leaves, not having been built very flame-retardant. Apparently, it was disposable. No, I'm not kidding. He says so in the next scene.

As Spider-Man leaves, people suspect he started the fire. Why, though? didn't they see him swing into the building?

Anyway, next scene and... hold up:

That's a hairdryer.

Concrete hears ya. Concrete doesn't care.

The lab that was burned down belongs to Norman Osborn, father of Harry Osborn, a pointless classmate of Peter's.

Jameson comes over to talk with them. What about? Insurance. How riveting.

You already are, remember?

Spider-man can't find Fosswell because the guy took off his hat. So, since he's a genius, Spider-Man just looks around the city randomly. All he gets is heartburn from hanging upside-down. He's been upside-down a lot before and will continue to do so forever, so I think he should see a doctor.

Meanwhile, Stromm creates another robot. I wonder if this one is also disposable. I hope they're recyclable.

Well, enough of that two panels.

This comic can't decide which plot to stick with, so it decided to do both at once.

While Spider-Man sneaks up on Fosswell, Fosswell is sneaking u on Stromm, who turns ut to sneak up on Fosswell.

Fosswell disappears rather literally, just after Strom's lackey asks if Stromm wants Fosswell eliminated. Instead, Stromm has him brought into the building. Probably because the alley is so narrow it can only fit two people and the lackey is on a smoke break and not leaving any time soon. It's Fosswell or the Robot, so Fosswell is moved to move room for the robot.

Spidey wants to follow Fosswell, but he remembers he's contractually obligated to have a fight each issue, and the robot is the only option for that.

Is this sexual harassment for a robot?

Spider-Man stealthily follows the lackey and Fosweel. then, after two panels, decides 'fuck it, I've got webshooters.' Unfortunately, the lackey thinks the same thing and it runs the hell away and locks the door behind him, trapping Fosswell and Spider-Man. ...Until someone needs to go outside again. Spider-Man escapes through the air duct. Apparently, air ducts were both big enough and strong enough for a grown male back then.

Stromm says 'Yeah, sure, Spider-Man has spider-related powers and is looking for me, but I wanna play with my robot!'

"Not really. I don't really know how to translate interpretive dance through property damage."

While the robot destroys everything BUT Osborn, Spider-man finally arrives. Honestly, I can't tell if they are fighting or dancing. After 6 panels, Spider-Man is as bred as I am and resorts to throwing stuff. that doesn't work, but at least it lets Osborn escape unseen by the camera on the robot. Spider-Man gets hit, but after that, the robot notices Osborn is gone, so Stromm thinks he's dead. No, I don't know why.

Either Spider-Man chases the robot all the way back to the hideout or Stromm moved his lab to Osborn's basement. Either way, Spider-Man beats the crap out of the robot in front of Stromm. I guess he forgot to hit the thing in order to win. Concussions seem to make Peter smarter for some reason.

Somehow Fosswell unlocked the door from the other side --or it took him this long to realize it wasn't locked-- and decides to shoot the lackey, who showed up out of nowhere. After the robot breaks, Strmm picks up its head of it and tries to shoot Spider-an with the laser.