Raise your damn kids!

     Parenting is hard.  Anyone who argue otherwise is trying to sell you a bigger scam than the Brooklyn Bridge.  Yes, celebrities--especially those who don't deserve to be them, and politicians can completely change the way you have to parent by changing how you have to survive yourself.  It' is hard enough to survive in order to help to be shape to keep your child alive when that because harder and requires more effort and energy--but you can't return a child or put them in storage for when you can get back to them as a project.  Children are, by definition, from the start, other human beings with their own ideas opinions, thoughts, and free will.  Your job is to keep them safe, clean, fed, mature, and empathetic.

You are always teaching your child.  From when they are born to when, sadly, one of you has to say goodbye.  Even that teaches them.  Yes, it's a frightening thought, especially when you think about what you will or have learned when it teaches you.

But there is no off switch for learning for children or filer for what teaches them.  It's not always you that teaches them, but what you allow them to learn from, what you tell them how to learn from it, and how you constantly teach and reinforce these lessons.

 Just because someone survived something they shouldn't have experienced, it doesn't mean anyone else should experience it as well.  Do you want to be assaulted, scammed, mugged, bitten, poisoned, abused, or have to survive a disaster just because you can live through it?  Do you want to be told you have to?  Then why put your kids through it?  They're going to learn the exact same lesson you will--or better in some way-- to hate who caused it to happen to them and to avoid the person, not to associate their action with someone else's anger, pettiness, or hypocrisy.

Using toxic language around your children, even when they are adults, teaches them to use it.  Teaching them toxic lessons can have worse results. 

 Hypocrisy:  Yes, you are the adult and they are the child.  You are in charge. You are old enough to drive and they aren't.  You get to vote and they do not.  You legally have a job and pay for rent and groceries and such and control the budget.  But you always need to teach your children simple lessons by doing the same thing you want them to do.  Do you want them to clean your room?  Why would they when yours looks like a tornado went 'I'm not this good'?  Do you want your kids to eat their vegetables?  What are you eating? How often do you brush your teeth?  Do you scream for them to come to you over minor inconveniences, but get mad when they copy your behavior?  Kids don't take 'Because' or 'I said so' or 'I'm the adult' well.  Everyone else calls that 'spoiled' or 'stubborn'.  You haven't given them a reason to do it; you've given them an obstacle to avoid or overcome.  You've ruined credibility.  Who listens to someone who says not to drink and drive when they already speed and don't wear seatbelts?

Dismissiveness: It doesn't matter if you're tired.  It doesn't matter if you're busy.  It doesn't matter if you're and adult witha  college degree and know how to pay taxes and handle car payments and a mortgage and they are a child who is barely in school.  It doesn't matter if your child isn't perfect.  You acknowledge accomplishments.  Second place is still great and should be treated as such.  They're 1005th B should still be praised to keep them academically interested and to encourage them to get A's.  You need to train them to try hard and enjoy working hard so they end up praising themselves later in life.

Comparison: Why can't one kid be just like another kid?  Why can't your dog be like your cat?  Why can't your Honda be like a Porsche?  Why can't a frog be like a bird? Why can't Danny DeVito be like Shaquille O'Neil?  See the pattern here?  Individuals can't be like other individuals because they are individuals.  Some kids don't have the same height or strength or lack the same amount of hand-eye coordination.  If you want that frog to fly, you have to give it wings and help it learn to flap.  And be prepared to help it be the froggiest frog that ever frogged.

Dismissing Feelings: Do you feel better or worse when a coworker or boss tells you to stop being emotional?  If you have a bad day, is it made better if someone tells you that there are people who have it worse or do you need sympathy?  Do you think it is okay for someone to tell you to get over the destruction of an object that held sentimental value?  If you know how you need to be treated, you know how your kids need to be treated.  Yes, toddlers throw tantrums because the cookie they are is gone, but when children become actual children or older, they need to be respected.  How would you end up if you learned to handle your emotions by bottling them up and thinking you should be ashamed of feeling anything because emotions bother people?  Addressing emotions properly--the way you know they need to be addressed if you were in the same situation--teaches kids how to address emotions properly, including those of others--imagine if that volatile or skeezy coworker was taught how to properly act in public; wouldn't that  be a major improvement if his parents had parented?

Threats and Guilt trips: First, children do not owe you anything but gratitude after you raised them, fed them, took them to doctor's appointments, clothed them, and sent them to school.  The bare minimum that keeps CPS and constant meetings with school counselors is what parents are expected to do if they chose to have a child.  Even if that choice is complicated, the child is innocent of that complication.  They don't owe you back pay just because children need to eat enough to grow properly and teenagers even more for the same reason.  They don't owe you money, time, or, emotional investment.  You don't have to spoil your children for them to grow up and want to help out and hang out later in life.  But just like adults, threats and guilt trips will drive them away.  Even without a therapist, someone will teach them what you conditioned into them is wrong.  They will likely learn for themselves.  Everyone has a snapping point.  Do you want them to snap?

Broken promises: "We'll do it later" "We'll see." "Maybe next time."  "We forgot."  "I promise" turning into "I didn't promise that." or just "Oops" all teach children never to expect parents to follow through on anything.  It teaches them that they can't trust you--with anything in the future. This causes two behaviors in kids.  They can scream "Do it NOW" not out of selfishness or lack of patience (well, with you), but because if it wasn't done right then in their face, it never would be done.  Another behavior is never opening up about big events--from report cards to doctor's appointments to being fed.  If your time is more important than them, when would it ever be important about them?  And why bother waiting, or even asking?

Blame: You made the choice to have kids.  You know they screw up.  You know they have needs and should be given gifts and help to join activities and end up meaning contributions to school and won't  automatically be able to ace every test without help.  Kids are not the reason you were dumped just because they had needs or appointments.  Kids are not the reason the car broke down just because  they are kids.  Kids will fail tests if they don't study and they will need help studying.  Unless they actively did something on purpose, whatever disaster happened was not their fault.  Don't tell them so.

Yes, you can punish your kids: Being a parent requires integrity.  Break a promise and you can't be trusted.  Blame and shame a child and they will see you as a threat.  But appropriate punishment doesn't meant trust is broken.  Consequences are not threats.  A big part of being a kid is learning.  That means screwing up and facing the consequences.  There is no possible way to prevent your kids from screwing up.  It is best for a kid to screw up in t minor way, such as trashing the kitchen or skipping school, than it is for them to lean consequences when they are older and the police explain what the consequences are for extreme property damage and having injured someone.

Now go parent.  I trust you.  Figure out what is ignorable.  Settle fights between siblings before they escalate. Let your kids get mild boo-boos so they learn not to get serious injuries.  Show your kids they can trust you to be there for them when their life sucks so they will be here when your life sucks.  Teach them that fun has boundaries but not limits--and you'll join in.  Teach them discipline isn't punishment or a reward, it's how not to fall apart in life.  Show them a real parent.  Trust me, they'll love you for it.

New home, new cat, new plan

 I've been putting this particular topic off for a long time.

Mainly due to the pain all of this has caused me.

My cat suddenly suffered a series of strokes in 2024.  That was one day after I adopted a new cat, now maned Mochi, who was intended to be his companion.

He liked to claim dirty laundry as his fortress

Mochi was originally named Ember.  I ordinally intended to rename her George, but that didn't fit.  Neither did Mitternacht or Luna.  Luna almost worked, as I am a huge fan of Sailor Moon. Her personality fit Usagi more than Luna.  I remembered  Usagi asking if there truly was a rabbit making mochi on the moon after finding out she was a princess. Mochi it was!  She's Mochi-colored (plum flavored) and she likes to make mochi (biscuits).

She's such a sweetheart.  I wanted a black kitty all my life and she was the first black kitty at the adoption even to want to get out of her cage and be with me.  The second  her cage was opened, she slid out to rub up against me and my husband.  We were already loved.

Unfortunately, the adoption event was held by an adoption agency known for racism, sexism, and much more useless verification and paperwork than usual.  It took hours to fill out everything and relatives needed to show up and my dad had to convince them out SSNs were not needed for a cat.

No, she's not fat.   According to the vet, she's a healthy blob.

Ember took about fifteen minutes to decide she preferred her new home to being in a crate at an adoption agency all day, every day. She then wanted out of the room she was held in and into the rest of the house.

There were two issues with that plan.

First, she was supposed to be a friend of Ajani, the cat I already owned.  I had rubbed a blanket on Ember and gave it to Ajani.  I rubbed another on Ajani and gave it to Ember, so they could recognize each other as friends before meeting.

Unfortunately, Ajani suffered a series of strokes the next day.  He was supposed to be allowed into the room right next to Ember's so they cold sniff each other and touch paws.  But his legs topped working well.  He kept falling over as he walked.  And then things got worse.  I stayed up for 26 hours holding him and...

Writing about the end is too painful still.  It's been a year and it  hurts too much.

Ember was allowed out into the rest of the house while we were deciding on a name.  Now, Mochi is a larger cat than the others and she was two while they were in their late teens.  They hissed at her and she just let out a mew of 'but I just got here'.  I ended up having to protect a 25-pound cat who had just gotten out of kittenhood from two tiny elders.  

And then 2025 happened.   

 Yeah, I know, politics just kept ruining things. That was just the burnt edges of the disaster cake.  On Fridays I would go grocery shopping with my father.  One Friday, I waited for too long.  My sister, who had gone No Contact with me, show up (with a key to a house she no longer lived in)to tell me my father was in the ICU.

It was three days until we knew the cause: hyponatria AKA a severe lack of sodium.

My father was in the hospital for two weeks.  They would not let him leave.  After a lengthy discussion, My sister and I decided to trade houses. Money is tight now as this has to be the worst year to suddenly buy groceries.  At least rent is decent and not subject to the whim of someone's greed because they want to live in Instagram.

 Well, here I am, and somewhere close is Mochi, wandering around and knowing she owns the place.  Of course she owns it; I just rent to live here. 

I'm still hoping that someday I can own a small farm.  What I can't eat (and I weigh 71 pounds) would go directly to food pantries.

Yes, that is my ultimate goal: a small farm to keep people fed.  I intend to sell some food, such as tea, curd and marmalade, preserves, and pickles.  I'd sell farm-to-table if I can, but I'd still donate to food pantries.

Where? Canada.  If I can get help.  So far, I cannot.  Immigration does not offer help for aspiring farmers.

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Tongue piercing: My experience

 I got my tongue pierced on February 1st, and boy was it a ride.

Your tongue is a rather personal area.  It doesn't matter if you're acting goofy, eating ice cream, or intimate with a partner.  Thinking about someone else touching it, unless it's wanted affection--and that means their vulnerable tongue, or more vulnerable part-- there, not their entire hands there.  It's understandable to be squeamish.

Plus, if you've seen the Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight movie where someone pierces his own tongue with a gun (never do this)--I sympathize with any of you who have nightmares.

I spoke to the piercer before taking the plunge, (as you're supposed to) from pain to eating to custom jewelry; she was a real expert and very nice and the place was fastidiously clean (all things you should look for when you get pierced).

If you think the piercer yanks your tongue out and stabs it, you're wrong. The process feels silly, actually.  For several minutes you'll be sitting, nearly lying down, with your tongue out wrapped in a paper towel.  This is to soak up saliva--and it takes a while because your body automatically tries to replenish it when it senses your tongue is dry.

When it's dry enough, the piercer pushes a hollow needle through your tongue and tne inserts starter jewelry.

To me, the pain was the same as getting my ears or helix pierced (yes, I have those too).

The aftermath was a lot more difficult than getting my ears pierced.

First, my tongue swelled up to about three times at the site of the piercing. This is normal, but it makes it VERY hard to eat anything by going around the piercing.  I tried putting ice on it, which is recommended.  That was a mistake.  I tried drinking a protein drink to keep my energy up.  That was also a mistake.  1 in 51 people who have had their tongue recently pierced develop a temporary sensitivity to milk liquid, even without lactose.

After 10 days of drinking liquid (I survived on energy tea and non-corrosive caffeinated Gatorade and electrolytes), I could eat again.  My food of choice? Quiche.  I make good quiche*. 

The good news is my tongue healed 3 days earlier than expected (2 weeks).  The bad news is not only did I have to wait a few days more to get the piercing downsized, but it came out a day later, and having to wait two days for the only piercer to return to work meant my tongue had fully healed, so there was no way to get the piercing back in and salvage it.

I am actually looking forward to next time--which will be after I get my nose and ears pierced even more.  

Pictures next time.

*recipe will eventually be sold in a cookbook

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I went to FanExpo!

 Yep.  Over Thanksgiving weekend, I went to FanExpo.  And a cuddly Best Boy came too!

Okay, yes, my husband came too (it was for his birthday).

I meant this sweetie:

I'm packed, mommy. Let's go!

He crawled in to nap in the crate until it was time to go and then he didn't want to get out until five minutes before it was time to leave and then he didn't want to go back in.  When he was back in, he just turned into 'bread'.

When you're traveling with a pet, their safety is your priority.

 At first, I was worried he wouldn't like the bumpy trip to the car as a very, very slowing descended and ascended stairs, several sets of which were either uneven or masked to look like a floor and not stairs, or which moved and I had to adjust and cling to the rails for balance.

I met a kitty in someone's backpack made for carrying small pets at the convention.  The poor thing was backed as far as is could and had an expression of 'what is all this craziness?'.  I wasn't able to cheer it up from behind its owner by making silly noises or gestures.

Meanwhile, my cat just chilled, no matter how bumpy the ride as I carried him.  When I set him in the car and fastened a seatbelt across the handles, however, he tried to punch his way out of the carrier and tried to knock the frames down.  Every time the car moved, he cried (he stopped when the car stopped, such as at red lights or waiting to merge).  

Being carried along the street and into a strang-smelling hotel?  Back to chilling.  

He cried for a few seconds after being released from the carrier, since the room was entirely new.  After Hubby showed him his temporary food (two camping tins) and his new litter box (a cardboard box lined with a garbage bag with litter crystals so no dealing with urine), all it took was a few sneezes on the furniture and he decided he owned the place.

Picture: Forgt the towels, steal this bed for me, mommy

We left our kitty in the hotel, once he was used to things.  We put a harness and a leash on him, in case he decided to bolt out of the room to explore when we returned.  Yes, there were too many dogs on the street, let alone at the convention to try to carry our kitty around.  As much as he likes (or is indifferent) to new people, he doesn't like dog smells and is too much of a wuss if any dogs go after him.  

We checked on him every few hours (I have never been to a geek convention that sold food, so we ate lunch and dinner at the hotel as usual).  

My kitty has a strange habbit of wanting to be in between his people and sitting on stuff we are using.  Thus, the hardest part of traveling with him has been keeping him from sitting out our fries and hamburgers and preventing him from knowing over drinks.  It is also difficult to lean over to reach your food when you have a cat on your lap, determined to stay there for hours.

I live here now

This shot took five minutes to get right

This is how we got the shot above

No cars this time, Mommy!

Kitty didn't want to leave, since that meant going back in the carrier, but he didn't fight about going back in.  He was quiet and calm as we waited outside for the car to take us home and he cried every time the car moved again.  He seemed to have forgotten about his experience once he was home.  He had a snack, had a drink, licked himself, and then took a nap on our bed.

No, I did not manage to meet Mark Hamill or Tony Todd at the convention.  I merely managed to pass on a note asking for advice when I will be alone in Canada (hopefully temporarily) and gave Mark a present. I did attend a find even hosted by Peter Cullen.  No, that is not his voice, but his brother's.  I asked him for advice too.  I will update this entry if I hear from any of them.

I did see these guys: 

I was pretty sure he was staring at my boobs

I did not let them  see my phone or I'd be there all day

My hubby with his favorite superheroes

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Spider-Man #38 Sider-Man vs... Joe?

Not to be confused with The Villain Previously Known as Joe

Even the cat is laughing at him

Short story shorter, the guy's a failure.

 To be fair, his opponent is made of concrete.

So Joe decides to be an actor instead.  Then, during a shoot, he gets the usual villain-creating backstory.

It's still the 70s and this is already a cliche

Oh, just walk it off.  that's how you cure villainy in the Marvelverse.

Meanwhile, the actual main character is doing something he rarely does--goe s to work.

Because everything has to be about ME!

So, instead of trying to help the lady or even do his job, he leaves.

So far, we've had several pages of what should be a simple sentence for each scene (or less). This is the comic equivalent of a meeting that should be an e-mail (or a post-it note).

Oh hey, ned Leeds is back. Let's see what he has to say.

Apparently, he thinks this is a Soap Opera.  Why can't anyone think this comic is a Super Sentai?

I'm sorry, but who cares?  Betty is a jerk to both of them, very wrong for Parker, and don't both these guys have jobs?   I'm not the only one who thinks this as Jameson breaks them up.

Back to the boxer/actor. He's told to beat up the extras. Why? What'd they do?  Aren't fights in movies and shows supposed to be fake and only LOOk real?

When was Lon Cheney known for fight scenes?

Hes' so into the fight, that he bashes through the set and studio walls and continues to fight random civilians.  Now that's dedication to your craft.

Peter, while wandering around wondering about Betty for no reason, hears screams and decides he'd better turn into Spider-Man and do something productive.

But... it IS cheap

Y'know, Spider-Man has a point there

Somehow they end up on top of a car.  That doesn't last long as.... Joe throws Spider-Man off.  It's HIS car to weck.  If Spidey wants to wreck a car, he can go talk to the Raimis.

The writers were apparently as bored as the readers with that, so they decided to write a different plot.  

How will changing your suit work as a disguise?

That's the older Osborn, just FYI.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can't put 'some guy' as your employer

Who is going to accept bills cut in half?  Even banks would be suspicious.

I think there are a few steps mission in that logic

The comic gets bored with that and decides to make fun of Peter at college.  Sounds like an improvement to me.

Can I join?

They're protesting a protest?

There is a LOT of talking, resulting nothing.  Peter doesn't want to join a protest when muppets and Concrete have already joined.  Joe needs a nap.  Mr. McTotallydisguised still wants Spider-Man. Why are peopel pad so much money to wasted five pages with this?

Dr. Teeth before he tooth fashion advice from Elton John

Surely concrete knows what to protest

What's the point of this scene?  Filler?

He's jealous  you all look so good with Youngblood's disease

And... the comic got bored with itself again. At least Spider-Man is back to being Spider-Man now.

Maybe you should make that plan before you get close to him

Because he might challenge you to a dance-off, apparently

Meanwhile, telling Joe to calm down doesn't calm him own.

After a page of fighting, Joe gets back to the gym to yell at everyone.

Concrete is still not impressed with this guy

So Joe started fighting them.  Honestly, I don't know who is winning, but a fight between a super-powered guy named Joe and Concrete is already awesome.

If Concrete is telling you how to do your job, you're already five steps behind

Which one? Spider-Man or Joe?  Either way, it sounds like a good idea

Honestly, I have no idea who is winning.  The generic gym guys are getting some damage in, so either the gym is selling Super Soldier Serum or superpowers mean nothing against someone who constantly works out.  Why are random people at a gym trying to beat up Spider-Man?  Because they heard about the bounty.  Is it normal for hitmen to hang out in Planet Fitness?

Actually, dance classes are supposed to be more common than free-for-all fights

 in gyms

When did Concrete change clothes?

The police explain it was the chemicals that made him go on a rampage, so they won't bother arresting or charging him or anything.  Oh, and his rampage on the movie set scored him an acting contract with the studio.  Problem solved.  Why did anyone need Spider-Man again?

Put your clothes back on!

Spider-Man then decides to fight the remaining thugs--who have all changed into suits--on the ground. Why?  He can just web-sling away without even anchoring his web to anything.

The irony!  It's too much!

After winning the fight--or at least Spidey says he did--he gets mad at a store mannequin.  And then he decided to beat up the object purely because it looks like Ned Leeds--a guy who did absolutely nothing to him and wanted to be his friend when it was Betty who threw tantrums and acted petty.

Given how many times post-2000 writers want to break up Peter and the woman he ends up MARRYING and HAS A CHILD WITH, due to nonsense, I'd say Betty and Peter deserve each other and Ned deserved far better.

Meanwhile, Aunt May is visited by a trufula tree

Aunt May tries to introduce Peter to Ms. Trufula Tree, but alas, she's gone.  She probably read One More Day and 2020's comics.

Peter mopes, watches a few seconds of TV, and then goes to bed.  this has to be the most pointless comic yet.

 WHAT THE HELL IS HE SWINGING ON COUNT: 5

An age old rant and why we need to stop arguing for this in science classess

 It’s been over 20 years and we are still teaching in science class ‘evolution is a choice to believe in and the other choice is the Christian Creation Myth’.  Myth. MYTH.

At this age, you should be smart enough to know this makes no sense in science class.  Ye adults, two or three times as old, were not that smart.

            To some, this was instituted out of fairness.  To others, this was about teaching children what was ‘right’ and the families of the students would encourage them to make the most ‘mature’ decision of what to follow.

            There are several problems with both of these; one of those problems being me.  I was not raised Christian.  In fact, it was not until after I went to college that I knew anything significant about the religion.  All I understood was that some people believed in God and Jesus.  I was Wiccan at the time, previously having ascribed to a philosophical version of the religion of the Greeks (no, really).  One of my godmothers was of the Celtic in faith and the other took faith from various tribes native to California.  I was close to both.

            In all fairness, all religions should be taught to the rest of the class.  If it would be wrong to exclude how the first woman was created from the rib of the first man, it would also be wrong to exclude how the first woman was forged in order to torment the titan that gave fire to humans.  Both hold religious significance to at least one attendant of the class and to discriminate against a minority, be they Greek Faith or Christian in faith, would be unfair.

            When it comes to what is right, both contain as much logic in terms of science” none.  But if ‘right’ means ‘moral’, there is still the same problem.  Which creation myth holds the best moral?  In Christianity, women are told to serve men and endure pain as punishment.  In Greek, women are a punishment for men disobeying orders because they had no foresight.  How is it either moral or scientific to demand eternal subjugation and pain on half the population because of what one person did something they weren’t smart enough not to do a millennia ago?  Is evolution kinder than either of these, favoring individuals purely as those who pass on genes and behavior until their influence or family line dies out?

            How do morals fit into biology in the first place?  How do omnipotent deities or nearly omnipotent ones factor into mitosis or chlorophyll?

            Maybe we should be teaching the obvious answer of keeping science and religion separate instead so the adults can learn from their children what the Founding Fathers decided in the first place?

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An eerie poem for the seasonal holiday

 I fell in love on Halloween

I met a woman no other had ever seen.

She had eyes that were the world

Upon a glistening, perfect pearl.

She was a mix of song and season,

Soft and stark, rhyme and reason.

She was beauty upon beauty intertwined

Then she showed me this was not her time, only mine.

We lay on red silk sheets, side by side

Then she showed me how she died.

I’d witnessed her passion, her mind and thoughts, dreams.

She stood before me, and came undone at the seams.

Everything fell out, spilled out, kept going.

The crimson stained the silk, covered toes, would not stop flowing.

I drowned and lived, drowned in blood, drowned in tears.

I saw what no one ever sees, I heard what no one ever hears.

I stood aghast, watched in sorrow, at how a body was now a fen,

And in my sadness, and as I mourn, I make it flow again.

This time in ink, a deep thick black, aptly morbid.

I have to tell that I’ve watched a thing so sordid.

She bled and oozed and fell apart.

I still live, and will die, with a broken heart.

I may bed

And I may wed.

But I still grieve.

I fell in love, on Hallows Eve.

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