Dracula #4: Spooky new Character

 Well, that was a lot of nothing from Spider-Man.  It was just short of him sitting and staring at one of those magic eye pictures.  So, what's next?  If you're like me, you can't wait to get to the 80's.

Unfortunately, we aren't there yet and we have to stop at the 70's with Dracula.  But at least most vampires try to keep things interesting when the story is focused on them (I'm looking at you, B-Negative.  You can't be interesting AND you ruined Morbius just to exist.)

Man, Dracula goes through brides like popcorn.  And he's not even finished.

Dracula has been invited into Isla Strangway's house.  He does the stupid thing of saying he's not going to do crap for her and she literally crosses him.  He can easily tell from outside the widow she collects magical stuff.  Of course, she's got anti-vampire things if she knows about inviting a vampire inside.

Man, Drac's as dumb as spider-Man right off the bat (pun intended).  At least stuff is happening.

She takes out the Book by Bram Stoker and asks how much of it is true.  If Peter Pan suddenly shows up, why not ask him how much of the book is true?

Dracula counters with his own good point: Lady, I've been dead for several centuries and I have no idea who this Stoker is.  I'm still trying to figure out cars, phones, clean water, and what the hell Reality TV is.

She says she wants to become a vampire and he says he wants her to quit fucking with him and wasting his time.  So she offers him a black mirror in exchange. What's it do?  Why is it special?  How did she get it?  Who cares, Dracula says that's good enough for him.

Unfortunately, no one spoke to any servants about this.

Since when did Dracula know karate?

Later, Frank, Rachel, and her sidekick talk to the guy Dracula beat up and figured it's a clue as to where Dracula is.  Gee, ya think?

Meanwhile, a few miles away, Clifton, Isla, and Dracula are hiding out in an old WW2 bunker.  Why does Dracula get to do all the cool stuff?

Unfortunately, he has to whip out the proverbial rolled up newspaper when Isla tries to feed on Clifton.

No!  Bad vampire!  No eating the servant!

Well, she's not too hungry to explain the black mirror.

Demonical?  That's a word now?

I have two problems with this.  One, why was Dracula interested in it when he had no clue what it could do?  And two, This narration is long,  It would be best told by the omniscient narrator when Dracula uses it.

Well, that wasted enough time, let's split the party.  That's only bad in Scooby-Doo, Right?  Oh, and Goblin Slayer.  And Lord of the Rings.  But this time it's okay, right?

Only if you're fist-proof and Clifton isn't.

PICTURE: No, but you ARE pantsless

Dracula heads straight for the mirror, while Ilsa decides to see what's on the menu. 

But then Frank and Rachel get to Dracula before he can reach the mirror.  Just before Dracula kills Drake, he's confronted with his worst enemy yet.

I'm not sure if this is hilarious or sad.

Dracula runs off, somehow outside now, and for an even dumber reason, Frank turns the flashlight off.  

Then he turns it back on and chases after Dracula.  I'm starting to see why it takes three people to kill a vampire in this story.

Dracula dives through the window of the house because doors are for mortals.  Somehow Frank corner's him with the flashlight, despite all of them having teleported outside into a forest.  On the other side of the house.  This time Dracula just closes the door and goes into a different room.

But that's okay because the police officer who didn't believe a word of what Rachel and Frank had to say changed his mind and put a cross on his headlights and he aims those into the house.

Meanwhile, Clifton has a crossbow aimed at Rachel, who just ignores him.

I'm not sure who is worse at their job

And then Ilsa comes back.  Rachel keeps Clifton from blabbing about the cross, but Ilsa's smart enough to figure that out in the first place.  Rachel, You're like the New Coke of the Van Hellsing family.

Ilsa gets mad when Rachel tells her Dracula lied about making her young again.  But Ilsa says she also tricked Dracula.  The Mirror is more like a stargate than a teleporter; it only takes you to where another mirror is, which can be in another dimension.

Ilsa tries to kill Clifton, but can't.  She only fed due to the vampiric hunger and was disgusted by what she did when it went away.  And Rachel does without saying a word.  That's paying attention and using common sense: 1, incompetence for the plot: I stopped counting a long time ago.

Meanwhile, Dracula uses the mirror.  So much for Frank.  Or the police.

Why not just draw a cross ON THE MIRROR?

The writers felt it would make more sense for Taj to attack Dracula.

And finally all these idiots--except the police officer who had the brains to leave--fin taj's and Dracula's hands stuck in the mirror.

Why not shine a cross on the hand or pour holy water on it?

If Dracula weren't so classy, he'd be giving you the finger

Ilsa died, Dracula was on the run, Taj got stuck in a magic mirror, which got its own backstory, and there was a lot of puttering around all that.  Time for a change of pace to absolutely nothing with Spider-Man next time.

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