Giant-Sized Geeking: Spider-Man #34 Kraven the Loser

Oh, no! If only he had some sort of ability to swing out of the way

That pretty much sums things up: He's only sort of cool

You do not know the disappointment I had when I found out that wasn't the head of the Chameleon

Well, now we know the plot and we also know he loses. So comic's over right?

Nope, we need offensive bullshit. He got this from a witch doctor.

So much for 'don't do drugs'

Because, of course, the entire page needs to be filled up with bullshit, not just a panel, we get to even more of what I hate about Kraven. While I respect hunters who adhere to safety rules and only hunt for food or legally diminish a population of a species in a certain area, I hate Kraven as a hunter. He runs out of his house in Africa and runs up to beat up a lion for no reason other than he wants to; an endangered species no less. I want this guy arrested by park rangers whose job it is to keep loonies like Kraven out of Wildlife Reserves.

Meanwhile, Peter is just as bored with this redundant plot thread as I am.

And to make it even more boring and cliche, it's just a dream Betty is having. Yes, the only way they could make this interesting is by adding something even more tired to it. Ther is a reason I hate Betty, and we haven't even gotten to the part that shows why.

Meanwhile, Peter is doing something much more interesting: studying.

Then we skip to the next day because that's too boring for even the writer. Aunt May is cured! Well, that's over, now it's time for school. Today is going by pretty fast. Everyone hates Peter for ignoring them before. Really? You're calling him the asshole when you don't even bother to ask why he ignored you before?

I miss the days when people remembered basic manners from Sesame Street.

After school, Peter decides 'fuck work, I got SOME money'. Keep in mind 'work' is 'saving lives' for him. What a great guy.

Meanwhile--again--Kraven begins step one of his plan: brood.

And then two panels of Peter being doted on by Aunt May. I think this comic just wants to end as badly as I do.

Then we see Kraven's next phase of his plan: pretend to be spidey and assault Jameson while talking like a kidnapper.

I'm not an expert on hunting, but I don't think this is a regular part of it.

He's hunting Spider-man, not Jameson, right? Because he's doing a better job at the latter.

So why don't you go out and do something good as Spider-Man?

There are so many ways this comic could be over by now and I honestly have no idea why it's still going. Was the intention of the writer to make the readers miss the 'Betty is a horrible person' plot?

It's a guy who can single-handedly beat up 20 other guys! Let's get 'im!

Spoiler alert: Kraven's lying. Probably because that's kryptonite.

Spider-Man rushes Kraven and runs right into a booby trap ~~(hee hee, booby)~~. Even without spider-sense, I could have seen that coming.

While Spidey dodges traps, Kraven just sits there and lets a mob try to do his job for him.

No, we mean 'It's him. It's 1960';s, not 1660.'s"

When did Spidey get tornado powers? Or is that the Tasmanian devil?

You were doing so well at character development. Why did you have to back to threatening people with violence for no reason?

If you think I'm just posting the whole comic, I'm not. There's a lot of filler between these.

Sucha s a lot of wrestling with Kraven just after that panel.

The mob shows up and no one cares who they're fighting anymore. They're just fighting and will figure out what's going on when no one else is standing. Kinda like Twitter, but with less swearing and people act like they passed high school instead of flunking first grade.

What the hell IS jungle scent? Can someone give me a link to a candle or air freshener?

Kraven and Spidey beat up the mob. They're pretty much 1 xp each, so it's easy.

Then they finally move to the boss battle. Kraven ambushes Spidey while the latter sticks to the wall of the building so they fall and Spidey forgets he has webshooters. They land on a building and fight for about two pages.

Spidey defeats and apprehends Kraven off-panel. All you get is Kraven tied up along with the mob and the police find them due to Spidey's crotch signal.

So, we're done, right?