Online Bridezillas

I have been living with my boyfriend for almost ten years.  Last month, he became my fiancé.

So, when bored, I set out to check out some ideas for a wedding.  Among the prices, refusals to answer directly, and complications that arise (guest who want to come, people forcing their adorable kid on you as a flowergirl, questions about changing your name, and tons more), you don’t need the bad attitudes the internet has let blossom with rampant trolling.

I sampled three wedding forums—having no clue about what to do about having one of your own—and they varied wildly in terms of helpfulness, politeness, and spam.

The first I tried was Birdes.com.  this forum can be quite helpful, but responses take a while to be received and they are few and far between.  Most of what you will get in both responses and forum threads are advertisements however.  It’s an okay slow forum for just getting ideas, but you’ll always feel like you’ll be accepted.  Even the ads are polite.

Helpfulness-3/5

Politeness-5/5

Spam-4/5

Next, I tried weddingbee, as the site had an online garage sale of wedding supplies.  This was a mistake.  The forum is the internet equivalent of a cliché high school clique.  If you’re ever lucky and get popular to be accepted—married or engage—they’ll accept you with open arms…until you say one thing the whole group has preemptively decided they don’t like.  This is not a site for having your own opinion.  This is a site for others telling you to have a wedding, even an ‘offbeat’ one.  The mods will agree with them even if you post ‘please don’t’ about a subject you don’t want to be forced to change your mind (or life) about.  I had to deactivate my account, as trolls followed me to bother me on another thread.  Someone even commented that me saying ‘please don’t was why regs didn’t like helping newbies.

Helpfulness-1/5

Politeness-0/5 (this perhaps deserves a negative for the mod who joine dup instead of reigned in what the should have)

Spam-0/5

The last I tried was Theknot.com.  This is a forum I wish I had found earlier.  Discussions are rational and fair and people bother explaining themselves instead of blaming you.  Many posts are encouraging animations, but at least people love what you do instead of ignore or belittle you.  Somewhat helpful, but I am very grateful it exists.

Helpfulness-3/5

Politeness-5/5

Spam-0/5

I’m still on my search for ideas, but it’s great having these around, especially to explain things that baffle me about weddings.