Rosario Vampire Review

I really don't like to generalize, but between having no idea what is going on in the first five seconds of Kill La Kill and the aggravating nonsense of Rosario Vampire, I'm starting to think the good Anime died out 10 years ago. While Kill La Kill starts out telling you how crazy it is, Rosario Vampire I feel is worse as it tells you how much potential there is to characters and story telling, but it's just a literal cock tease through and through.

The plot...well, premise actually, is that a boring guy finds out about a school that will accept someone with such atrocious grades as his, so he applies. Without the school looking into his profile, he's accepted. The school it turns out, is a school for monsters...in the same sense that Twilight is about vampires. The scariest part about any of these is if a sexual harassment suit is filed or being sued for a hospital bill if any damage lasted more than five seconds.

The characters are insults to cardboard as cardboard doesn't make you feel uncomfortable watching it or hate how contrived what little personality it has. There's the boring guy who's attributes are being boring, indecisive, human, and the center of the most boring harem ever. There's a token loli who's a witch and her personality is... that's it actually. There's a succubus who has breasts, an ice girl who is nowhere near as awesome as Iceman, and the titular vampire. By titular, I mean she has tits. That's as subtle as the anime gets.

Every episode has someone attack the human, the vampire gets mad, yet can do nothing, her cross is removed, letting her change into a lighter-haired and slantier-eyed version of her self who kicks ass, she turns normal and bits him. The end. Anything else int eh story is filler or worse. Yes, worse.

Honestly, I don't have trouble with harem animes. They're a staple of anime and if it weren't for ones such as Love Hina or Tenchi, anime might not have gained the foothold it did in America, even if there were far better ones to see at the same time. But those are usually comedies with added drama. Rosario Vampire doesn't seem to know which is which, though. The drama is played off for laughs, such as the vampire's fear of water ala Bloodrayne, villains trying to kill the human, or how the human feels his personal space isn't respected when the vampire bites him without permission all the time (this lasts for five seconds, so don't think it's character development). The comedy, though, is played out as drama. Two dates at the same time, fighting over the human, and the comedic would-have-been-characterization-if-it-had-remained-consistent desire of the witch to grow up and earn the same attention as the older girls. Half of that, though, was flashing her panties, which was meant to be a dramatic moment, just like all the others.

Don't think the 'dramatic' pantyshots are few and far between. They're everywhere. If you took a shot for every pantyshot in an episode, you'd need your stomach pumped if you weren't dead. Every time the vampire kicks ass, there's a pantyshot. Every time the vampire threatens someone, there's a pantyshot. Every time someone threatens the vampire, there's a pantyshot. The catfights, the teachers, the non-name extras, learning to cook, late for school, but the human...all full of pantyshots. And if there's a female villain, somehow there's five times as many pantyshots, despite doubling the female ratio.

Exactly who is this anime for? There were far better pornographic animes back in the 90's than this. There was better sexual comedy. The decade was famous for good harem animes. The action lasts less than 2 minutes, sometimes less than 1.

I'm not giving up, though I'm close. If there is anything like Madoka Magica, I'll keep giving anime a chance.

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